Tin Foil Tuesday: Big Brother is Watching All of Us! (GASP!)

  The long awaited Vault 7 release was dumped by Wikileaks today bringing joy and sadness to nutters (and non-nutters) around the world. No, it did not contain anything related to #Pizzagate, #pedogate, #911, #secretnazibunkerinAntarctica or #aliens. Wikileaks has exposed the depths of the CIA’s mass surveillance of citizens. As this is a developing story that will take days to analyze, I can bring you one fact that came out of it that you must take heed of immediately. Smart TVs are being used to surveil you. So while you enjoy the many benefits of the apps and ease of use, the gubment has been recording your conversations, both when the TV is on and when the TV is off. So if you have a dumb TV, congratulations, you’re probably in the clear. Unless you own a smart phone…….ugh.  So here’s a list of things you probably shouldn’t say within the earshot of your Smart TVs going forward:  1). I’m so hungry, I’m gonna put a “jihad” on this pizza. Congratulations, not only are you probably on the terror watch list, but you may be on the travel watch list banning you from doing irreparable harm to airport pizza chains like Sbarro’s and Pizza Hut.  2). Don’t bogart that joint. If you’re in a state that doesn’t recognize recreational marijuana, you are now subject to our never-ending war on drugs.  3). If you’ve invited anyone over to your home by the name of Jack, for god’s sake do not greet him when he enters your TV room. If we learned nothing from the movie Airplane, greeting your friend by yelling, “Hi Jack” has probably just bought you a one way ticket to Guantanamo Bay.  4). Don’t reference anything related to laundering. As in don’t talk about doing laundry in your home. Particularly don’t mention anything about how you accidentally washed a five dollar bill. You’ve now been designated a money-launderer. Congratulations.  5). Did you download an illegal movie onto your smart TV? You’ve been logged as a pirate. And not a cool Johnny Depp drunk pirate wearing guyliner guzzling rum.  These are just a few tips for you to use starting today. But, it’s probably too late. Did you talk about how bad traffic was today? Yup, you’re trafficking in something now and the gubment is on to you.  This is a developing story that we will continue to discuss as information is further disseminated. For now, I encourage... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: What’s in Vault 7? (Gasp!)

  After taking a break from obliterating the US Presidential electoral process, Julian Assange is back and cheekier than ever. We last heard from Assange when he tweeted he would consider turning himself in if Chelsea Manning was pardoned by Obama. To which Obama looked at Joe Biden and said, “hold my beer”.  Now comes a series of cryptic tweets involving #Vault7 that has nutters licking their chops at what may be stored inside this “secret vault”. Oh please don’t keep me in suspense Julian. I have a very short attention span and could be easily distracted by a piece of lint at this point.   So what were the tweets?  Tweet One – What is #Vault7?  The attached photo is of the Svalbard Seed Vault in Norway that stores spare seeds in case there is a total annihilation of the planet and we would need to start anew. Kinda like the Noah’s Ark of seeds. So have the seeds been stolen? Do they contain Jack’s Magic Beans? Is someone about to drop a Giant on us? Hmmm….Go on Assange.    Tweet Two – Where is #Vault7?  Photo two shows a Nazi gold mine discovered by the U.S. Army during World War II. So does Julian Assange have Nazi gold? Or did they find the Ark of the Covenant that was last seen with Indiana Jones before all of the Nazis’ faces melted off. Assange apparently thinks he has the “golden ticket”.    Tweet Three – When is #Vault7?  Photo three is an image from 2010 taken at Langley Air Force Base showing a testing of a Pratt and Whitney F-199-PW-100 jet engine. The military often uses soundproof hush houses to test engines. You know, like a vault. So are we testing another doomsday weapon that we will need to stop the Giant from Jack’s magic bean from melting our faces off?    Tweet Four – Who is #Vault7?  Photo four is basically a who’s who of information leakers; Bradley/Chelsea Manning, Julian Assange and Edward Snowden. It’s a cheeky photoshop that brings me to a dead end after the first three tweets. Chelsea is not saying squat now that she’s free. Snowden did his public service by letting us know that the government is interested in all of your cat photos on your cell phones. So Assange is the only person still leaking. This one has me stumped.    Tweet Five – Why is #Vault7?  Photo five shows a... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Did Pam Anderson Try To Kill Julian Assange (Gasp)!

  The twitter fools are at it again! After reports from Wikileaks Monday that their link was “severed” by a state party, several tweets from Julian Assange apparently resembling a dead man’s switch went out sending Twitter into a total meltdown that he must have been killed.  Yeah I fell for that Edward Snowden dead man’s switch hoax a few weeks back, so I’m skeptical. Who on earth would want to take down Assange anyway? Oh yeah right.  Since he’s in the process of leaking just about every document known to man about the DNC and the Clinton campaign, his list of enemies is growing faster than my sagging gut from too much kibble.  The craziest theory to emerge this week is that former Baywatch star and current PETA activist Pamela Anderson took out Assange with a vegan sandwich. Yes you read that correctly. Anderson allegedly met with Assange over the weekend at the Ecuador Embassy and brought him a delicious vegan sandwich from Pret A Manger. I checked their menu and they do have non vegan options, but I hear they make a “killer” vegan sandwich. Why would our Pammy want to take out Assange? Is Pam secretly working for the Clinton campaign? And since they couldn’t use a drone on him, the easiest way to take him out was by Vegemite? Seriously, have you ever tasted Vegemite? I would venture to say that its lethal for cats, but probably not for justice hackers.  Rest assured tin foil nutters, Julian is alive and well and did not perish by way of an evil sandwich brought to him by a former Playboy model. She was simply there to talk about her foundation that helps environmental and animal causes and he was there to give her advice. They met in 2014. So it appears that yet again, transparency will live to see another day. And Pret A Manger has received free publicity and now has a line out the door. Nice try nutters………Cheers, Little Man P.S. – If I see anyone come to the door with a Pret A Manger sandwich, I will release all the secret emails I have on my sister Wee and her Presidential campaign through a dead cat switch on Twitter. The revelations will be stunning to say the least. Excessive nip use, attacking her opponents while they sleep, constant napping during her foreign policy briefings. That’s just the tip of the iceberg…………Kittileaks will be amazeballs. ... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Did Someone Knock Off Edward Snowden? (Gasp!)

  Last Wednesday, Edward Snowden tweeted the following; “Did you work with me? Have we talked since 2013? Please recontact me securely. It’s time”. Whoa……Who is he seeking and what information does he have? Second gunman on grassy knoll? Aliens are ready to invade? The Bachelorette is fake?  Then just two days later, Snowden tweeted a random 64 digit code which “theorists” speculated was a “dead man’s switch”; a switch that automatically operates if its human operator becomes incapacitated or ummm, dead. Then the tweet came down. Then, radio silence. No further tweeting which drove conspiracy theorists to blow up Twitter, Reddit and blogs with the possibility that Edward Snowden may have met his demise. But not before releasing more information to “someone”.  Fear not tin foil heads, according to his “Russian” lawyer, Anatoly Kucherna, Snowden is alive and well and ready to disseminate more information that will make our heads spin like Regan from the Exorcist.  Close associate of Snowden, Glenn Greenwald, tweeted “he’s fine”. Like fine when you ask your girlfriend if something’s wrong? Like fine wine?? He’s so fine? That tells us nothing people!!  But then, an alleged “mistress” of Snowden announced his death yesterday saying that a Russian news source reported that a drunken man stabbed Snowden after he tried to save the man’s wife from drowning. Which makes zero sense. Why would you send a dead man’s switch when you didn’t know you would accidentally die by way of a freak encounter with a drunk man. BING BONG WRONG.  My take? There are a lot of people out that that want Snowden gone. Let’s see; CIA agents, off book spooks, Special Forces officers, the NSA, Hillary Clinton, The Illuminati and maybe possibly, his ally, Julian Assange of Wikipedia. You see Snowden and Assange had a falling out over the DNC leak and differ dramatically on how information should be disseminated to the public. Perhaps Assange is team Trump and Snowden is team Hillary or perhaps I don’t know what the hell to think anymore. But perhaps Snowden was standing in Assange’s way of total destruction of the US. Edward Snowden, if you’re listening, ffd38bhelp7442a88kitty84327out.  If you don’t hear from me again next Tuesday tin foils, take to Twitter and Reddit to avenge me! Cheers, Little Man ... read more