Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: There’s a Zoo on Mars! Saaaweett!

  I hope everyone had a very nice holiday. I had a great and relaxing week which is really what I do everyday anyhow. Everyday is Christmas when you’re the Little Man of the house. We start the new year off with an analysis of whether or not there is a zoo on Mars. Yes, you heard me right. Various photos captured by the Mars rover have brought about speculation and in some cases, downright eerieness. So we will look at the photos together to see if it’s fact or people’s imagination running wild yet again. Exhibit 1: There are lizards on Mars! Ok people, is this a lizard or what happened to Kermit the Frog when he broke up with Miss Piggy and she kicked his can straight to Mars? It looks a little real to me people. Let’s try another one.  Rock, paper or lizard? I see legs, a tail or perhaps a chew toy with nip! Jury is out on this one.    Exhibit 2: There’s a bear on Mars (gasp).  That’s not a bear, that’s Koba from Dawn of the Apes people. Now that’s one I can believe, clearly. But if it’s a bear, it’s the tiniest bear ever and I want one now!!   Exhibit 3: There are Crabs on Mars! WTF indeed. This one I believe. I’ve watched enough science fiction movies to know that this is science fact! If I saw that thing crawling towards me, I’d run faster than I do away from the Roomba.    Exhibit 4: WTF is this?  I don’t see an animal, I see Johnny Manziel’s Heisman Trophy. Even the trophy has distanced himself from that trainwreck. Sorry mommy’s a Cleveland fan. Although she won’t admit it anymore.  So looking at the collection of photos above, either there is definitely life on Mars or we are all just victims of a giant Rorschach inkblot test. When mommy gave me that test all I saw was kibble and nip and kibble and nip. Oh well, you be the judge of whether or not this is proof of life or proof of tinfoil. – Cheers, Little Man.   ... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: This Mars Thing Is Fishy?

Well it’s now September 29 and we’re all still here; thus debunking several conspiracy theories that we would be dead by asteroid or by financial collapse and chaos. So nice try wacko birds. This week we turn our attention to the awesome NASA news announced yesterday that there is evidence of salt water on Mars. And if there is existence of water on the planet, could evidence of life be far behind? Me thinks that is the case. A couple of screwy conspiracies have popped up after the announcement that we find worthy of discussion. So here we go………   Conspiracy Nutty Buddy #1: “NASA is covering up alien base on Mars.    Yes, you heard that right. In a seemingly slight of hand trick, NASA has apparently found an alien colony and metaphorically pooped themselves. They couldn’t possibly let this information out, so they came up with a cover story of the discovery of water on the red planet. Reddit in particular was an explosion of tin foil hat enthusiasts (or possible trolls, jokesters) about how the scientists were unable to confirm how the water got on the cliffs and craters and that it had to be supported by an underground water supply and thus run by an underground alien colony. BOOM! Take that NASA….you’ve been had.    The best part of this Mirror UK article is that scientists want to put a man on Mars and soon. Several readers suggested we declare war on Mars and there would be boots on the ground within a year! Especially considering these colonized aliens clearly harbor Weapons of Mass Destruction….For more on this…..     Conspiracy #2: This announcement has strange timing…..ahem Matt Damon.    The knowledge of this water discovery has been a couple months in the making. Why wait so long to make the announcement to the general public? Oh yeah, that Martian movie which is coming out this weekend. What a perfect way to generate excitement about both the red planet AND a fictitious movie about the red planet starring Matt Damon. You will be inclined to see the movie so you can learn more about the planet. Except a lot of it will probably be super made up.    So why the marketing tie-in? Here’s my take. The movie is directed by Ridley Scott. He of the original groundbreaking Alien movie who hasn’t had a bonafide hit since Gladiator. He also wants to remind... read more

WeeeNN 2016: Donald Trump Looks to Be “Hired”

It’s officially out of control folks. Donald Trump has now hijacked the clown bus and is taking everyone on a tour of the absurd. The Kibble Party weighs in on what is shaping up to be more like a reality show than an election.  Wee: Will his hair be his first lady?  Bean: Will he bring George, Don Jr and Ivanka in as his cabinet?  Little Man: He only declared bankruptcy 4 times over his career. Perhaps he is looking to bankrupt a 5th. This time America.  Wee: In terms of jobs, he can create them. But what jobs? Employing people to build a Trump hotel on every street corner of America? Building golf courses and bottling Trump water?  Bean: His presence is going to be a thorn in every other candidate’s side. Can you imagine him in a debate? I can. It could be more brutal than the boardroom in The Apprentice. He might fire some of the clowns on the stage in real time. The DVR is already programmed for the debates. That is; should he make it to the varsity team.  Little Man: Hey, at least he doesn’t have any billionaire backers. He IS the backer. He’s rich as sin.  Wee: He has a “fool-proof” plan to get rid of ISIS, but he’s not gonna give away his secret. I suspect his plan involves partnering with Richard Branson to send them to Mars to create their own caliphate.  Bean: He’s gonna bring back all of the jobs from China, Japan and everywhere else. He’s gonna print his own money. Instead of putting a woman on a 20 dollar bill, we will get to see his mug on his own currency. The dollar will be renamed the Trump.  Little Man: He will tackle illegal immigration by using his hair as a wall to keep people out.  Bottom Line:  Wee: It’s officially the Circapocalypse. Serious. The big tent is now under a giant bomb threat. It’s spectacular.  Bean: He’s gonna take the attention from actual serious candidates that are policy wonks that actually have legitimate ideas to improve our country. This is bad for the brand. Both Republican and Trump.  Little Man: YOU’RE FIRED!... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: Love it or List It- Mars Version

NASA’s images of Mars are bringing out all sorts of conspiracy loons from the woodwork. Recently Mars rover Opportunity apparently picked up photos of what appears to be a giant bunker complete with a panoramic window. Hell even in Mars they probably have a Hillary and David each encouraging the Martians to Love it or List it respectively. I suspect though, the Martians are going to love it and stay. Being that its 485 degrees in the summer, the lack of employment opportunities and a scant housing market. Plus Hillary really has fabulous design. David sure tried locating another bunker in the same area that offered more windows, but was grossly over the Martian’s budget. And didn’t have a pool or an open concept living space.  58 year old Andre Gignac from Canada has unveiled that not only does this bunker sport a fantastic picturesque window, but that there is a little green man seen behind it! But he doesn’t stop there. The bunker is really just the first layer of many bunkers, presumably at some point they will locate Archie Bunker. The bigger bunker is fully furnished with a crapload of missles, rockets and other weaponry. Even on Mars they sure do take their 2nd Amendment seriously.  I’ll let you take a look at the picture and decide whether or not it is Zillow-worthy. IF you decide it’s legit, I know a fabulous hat maker at Reynolds Wrap and can cut you a sweet deal.  – Cheers — Little Man                                            New Listing! Fabulous View, 1 bed/1 bath fully functional bunker                                             Picturesque window with fully loaded weaponry                                                             Won’t last! Call now for your showing! ... read more

News of the Wee: Super Bugs and Super Thugs

Dear Mother Nature,  I would like to officially petition for your impeachment over your harsh treatment of us this winter. Really? Snow after snow, now followed by cold after cold. Hello? It’s almost March. If that Lion/Lamb thing does not pan out, I will ignore the advice that it’s not nice to fool Mother Nature and stick my furry back paws straight up your nature lovin’ backside. P.S. I’m just kidding, not really, bugger off…..Mother Nature. News People! Stat! Wee on the 99 candidates left for possible selection to Mars One, the Dutch reality show that will televise a trip to Mars where eventual and certain death will captured. I’m waiting for the reality show Flying to Uranus. It would be a much more entertaining shitastrophy. These nimrods will not make it through Space Camp let alone make it into space. But a good gimmick. There’s not much we haven’t seen on TV, so go with the hype. Wee on the Super Bug exposure now up to possibly 179 patients in UCLA’s Reagan Hospital Speaking of Uranus, the method of the spread of this antibiotic resistant bug was by way of an endoscope that was used again without eradicating and sterilizing the scope from the  “bug”.  Me thinks it would be better to have house calls from a doctor these days. Going to the hospital is about as safe these days as walking through the streets of Raqqa in Syria screaming “I’m a journalist”.  And finally, in today’s Uranus trilogy, I present the following for comment (or fodder).   a).  the new Swiffer Dictator  – guaranteed to boast its the greatest thing ever but not yielding much in results. b). Troll dolls are back! c). There’s a black dog laying on his head. Seriously people, what the hell is that thing on his head? Is it hiding the plans for his nuclear proliferation? Or hiding the fact that he is just a giant Weeble under that thing?    How about Headlines Wee Loved this week? Theater mixes up ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and ‘SpongeBob’ HA! SpongeBob has never been so pervy. Thankfully the theater caught it before children started asking grandpa questions about S&M instead of M&M’s. Revealed: Brutal leader of ISIS was once a bespectacled SECRETARY working in an office admin department Yeah I bet everyone one of you is going to look at your coworkers tomorrow with a little more suspicion and scrutiny. I’m talking to you... read more