Tin Foil Tuesday: 2017 – New Year, Same Old S***!

  Well I hope everyone had a nice holiday and that you’re starting the new year off right. You know, by trying to stop eating like it’s the last meal you had before going to the electric chair. Or going to those pesky gyms where it looks like a packed dance club in January then looks like an Old West abandoned town with tumbleweed blowing by in February. Whatever your resolution, I hope it lasts longer than mine did. I promised I would not break anything of mommies for at least a month. But I knocked over a lamp while chasing Daisy through the bedroom at 2am this morning. Mommy was mad to say the least. She told me it was time to get back to work and that I’m not John Oliver who can take 2 months off. So we’re back at it for 2017. I will be driving up and down the internet highway looking for stopovers in the world’s craziest conspiracies. Some of my upcoming headlines include:  Alien Pyramids in the Antarctic Trump’s Head Spotted on Mars Time Traveler spotted at Tyson 1995 fight The Kraken is Real and Spotted By Google Earth The Illuminati is planning to launch a “Space Nation” to Control Your Mind The Man in the High Castle is Real and Your World Is Not!  And so much more………..So to those who say, New Year, New Me; I say stick to what works. Breaking lamps and uncovering the truth. Or the half truth. Or total fabrications that make you giggle while worrying about the sanity of a tuxedo cat. In other words, New Year, New Wee……….. Cheers,  Little Man    ... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Is the Illuminati Running Our Presidential Election?

  This is not a rhetorical question humans.  It’s clear that after 22 + Presidential candidates that only the Illuminati could be behind this final two. I mean seriously, we had a bazillion different choices and we are left with a choice between the New World Order or the New World Order. Or is this all a bunch of hooey? Probably, but we have stock now in Reynolds Wrap, so we have to promote tin foil every week.  If you follow the Illuminati conspiracy theorists, we already know they believe Hillary Clinton is an establishment candidate, not of the Democratic Party, but of the Illuminati. But what about Donald Trump? How do we explain his rise to popularity and to the Republican presumptive nominee through atrocious sound bites, flip flopping around conservative positions and brash and at times, offensive rhetoric? Because he is allegedly a Senior member of the Illuminati. So why run against his own party against another member? Is there a Civil War brewing between the Illuminati similar to the fractured Avengers?  One theory is that he may be going rogue after a fall out with the Bilderbergs. And now the big I is running scared of their Frankenstein’s monster. Initially using him for their own purposes in the business world, he’s now a pit bull off of his leash hell bent on destroying the old order through his political run. Why else would so many news outlets and Republican party members be so opposed to his nomination? Is it because his master plan is to end globalization which is ruining our existence? The jury is out on this one. But is Donald ultimately the world’s savior packaged in self-tanner and bird’s nest hair? Maybe so.  Another theory is that he is the main choice by the shadowy cabal to usher in Armageddon by unleashing his aggressive personality to piss off the world and into a planet-ending conflict. I don’t really buy that. There’s one thing about Donald; he loves being REALLY REALLY rich. It would be very hard to be REALLY REALLY rich with the world reduced to rubble. Or does he then hold the power and money to rebuild all the major cities? Imagine Trump Towers everywhere? Hmm. As a real estate mogul, this certainly may explain this screwy Louie theory.  Oh stop it Illuminati. I know you’re not real and all this is a bunch of malarkey. But similar to the Simpson’s foreshadowing of... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Did the Illuminati End Prince’s Purple Reign?

  Last week I asked mommy why there were a lot of sad old people on Facebook mourning the loss of this little tiny guy named Prince. I asked what country he reigned over and she told me “the kingdom of funk Little Man”. He apparently was a voice for a generation and the soundtrack to many lives back in his heyday. So I listened to Purple Rain and I just didn’t get it. Was he talking about purple acid rain and chemtrails? Was all of his music just a giant foreshadow of his imminent and ultimate demise? Did he die from natural causes, illness, prescription drug abuse or was he murdered by Illuminati? See how I slipped that in?  Sure enough, there are already conspiracy theories about his death spreading on the internet like butter on a biscuit. Some are saying that the Illuminati killed Prince as part of a blood sacrifice ritual. Think about it? He was relatively young and in mostly good health. He was videoed riding his bike around Minneapolis just days before his death. So the question is why would the Illuminati want the Purple Prince of Funk dead? Is it because he went on live TV recently and spoke publicly about chemtrails, New World Order and global manipulation? Were they afraid of his upcoming “tell-all” memoir that would expose their illicit secrets?  Nutters theorize that The Illuminati tried to bring Prince into the fold as one of them, but after he learned their secrets, he rebelled and rejected their nefarious agenda and essentially became a marked man. The most bizarre connection was this 2008 Simpson’s episode where Homer Simpson was supposed to kill celebrities that didn’t do what “they” wanted. Presumably, the shadowy “they” are the Illuminati. And who did Homer kill? You guessed it, Prince. So does this mean that Prince was offed because he wasn’t beholden to his corporate slave masters? Who knows. The more I read about this “Illuminati” nonsense, the more that I think there maybe fire where there’s smoke. Of course, I’m perpetually stoned out of my mind on nip, so it could be just kitty paranoia. RIP sweet Prince, RIP. – Cheers, Little... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: Sorry Folks, The Powerball Is Rigged

Ahh yes, if you are like me, Wee, Bean and Mommy you are sitting around this week thinking about how you are going to spend your $1.5 billion dollars after tomorrow. You realize if you are lucky enough to win (and assuming you will be the sole winner of the booty), Uncle Sam will sneak around the corner with a ski mask and jack most of your winnings at gun point. Yes, after taxes, your take away will be a paltry $524 million dollars. Boo…….kitten pittance.  But how good are your chances at winning this historic prize? Let’s say, you have a better chance at becoming a billionaire on your own than with this get up. Which begs the question, what if the Powerball is rigged? GASP! Here were some conspiracy theories floated over at the Heavy.Com: “the government rigs the Powerball to jack up jackpots so the IRS can collect more tax money and use that money to pay off the federal debt, or perhaps, as one theory posited, fund special black-bag operations that include something like taking over abandoned Walmarts in Texas to seize the state and make Texans stop saying “Y’all.” Umm. I believe the first line of this on how we’re keeping the US economy from total collapse, but not believing the black bag ops piece. Next ! Less sinister is the theory that “the government is using the Powerball to stimulate the economy”. That’s really just the above without the shady cabal stuff.  “the Powerball is rigged by the Illuminati” – Oh hell yes, this is true. If we combined all of our collective knowledge about the secret puppeteering by the Illuminati we would understand that they are taking our lottery funds and using them for self-serving purposes like; creating massive bunkers like the one underneath the Denver Airport, creating and destroying governments in other countries like Syria, Afghanistan and soon Saudi Arabia, committing atrocities like 9/11 so they can scare us into controlling us. Ok I went a bit overboard, but it’s a fun theory.  So I say to you powerballers, may the odds be ever in your favor. Because once you win a giant lottery prize, your life will become like the Hunger Games with everyone chasing after you wanting to kill you for your money. Me? I’d be happy with endless kibble. Is there a contest for that? – Cheers, Little Man ... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: Stay Away From The Denver Airport!

Don’t travel to the Denver airport people as it was clearly constructed for insidious purposes. Like travel and getting in and out of Denver to warmer destinations in the winter. And skiers flying in every winter for their Wide World of Sports tumble down the mountain moment and epic hot tub parties.    But it’s odd appearance and strange art work and statues have given rise to several conspiracy theories. For example, there is a menacing 32 foot tall statue of a red-eyed horse that killed the sculptor when it fell on him severing an artery. This was clearly an omen people.     Then you have art work depicting devils jumping out of a suitcase and a statue of Anubis, the god of death. Good god, is this Halloween Horror nights or a major international airport of the West?  Thank god they have 2 Quiznos inside to throw people off the scent of evil and onto the scent of horrible subs. So here’s a few theories that have cropped up over the years.   1). It was built by a Neo Nazi New World Order Group. No, the skinheads have not teamed up with the famed 80’s progressive band to build an airport. That would truly be a “Bizarre Love Triangle” (ba dum dum). “Theorists” believe this to be true because there are several markers indicating that it was built by the “The New World Airport Group”. So this clearly has some basis in the New World Order, right? But why throw in Nazi’s? Oh apparently when you look at aerial photos of this monstrosity really hard for like 2 minutes without blinking, you might see evidence of a swastika. I totally saw it in 10 seconds people, so this is totally real. But since the swastika originated in the Hindu religion as a peaceful symbol, perhaps this is to alert the aliens overhead that this is the appropriate place to land your ET ship.    2). It’s the Illuminati’s Headquarters. After all, there are several Masonic plaques throughout the airport including one with a compass signal which is Illuminati all the way. Plus they went 2 billion over budget because they had to complete building the Illuminati Headquarters below the airport. And it’s probably spectacular and houses a cafeteria, a gym and a ping pong table.    3). It’s hiding fall out shelters for the world leaders in case of the apocalypse. But I thought about it... read more

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