Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: Hillary Is Hiding Something!

  No, we’re not talking about Benghazi, or her emails or her possible “pay for play” dealings as Secretary of State funneling favors to various people and leaders in exchange for donating to the Clinton Foundation. Hillary may actually be hiding a secret illness that could threaten her viability as Commander in Chief. Wild theories have been going around for the past two years and they continue to circulate like kitty poo circling the toilet. So let’s look at a recent Gawker article that outlined several “suspicious” ailments that lead to right wing conspiracy chatter.  1). The Benghazi Flu – Right before she was originally scheduled to testify in 2012 in one of the bazillion Benghazi hearings, she mysteriously fell while being woozy from the “flu”causing a head injury. The timing was suspicious as it delayed her testimony. What was she hiding? Well now its speculated her head injury actually caused brain damage making her unfit to be President. I’ve been watching the debates and the town hall and she doesn’t sound like someone who has lost anything on her fastball. But I always seem to think that maybe she’s actually throwing a spit ball at the voters. I am not sure about number one given the timing, but she’s definitely not brain damaged. Unless brain damage is defined as “someone who is delusional that she will win the Presidency”. But that’s another illness altogether. #feelthebern 2). The Bathroom Break – At a primary debate in December, she took an extended trip to the “bathroom” that “theorists” speculated was because she was dizzy and disoriented and was probably related to the Benghazi flu discussed above. Listen people, let’s not jump to conclusions here. Wee told me that the women’s bathroom was about as close to the debate stage as Hawaii is to California and further more, women take longer. They have make up retouches, hot flashes that don’t look pretty on camera and perhaps she was gossiping with other women. Mommy says the women’s bathroom is for socializing.  3). Bad vision – Oh c’mon, who doesn’t at that age have bad vision. Just because she’s wearing prism glasses, doesn’t mean that she has double vision from the Benghazi flu. Maybe they’re just “rose colored glasses” that she views her chances of being elected as President and getting along with a Republican Congress that will drag her to hearing after hearing, scandal after non-scandal further wasting the time, energy and... read more

The Kibble Party: Iowa Predictions

  Well, its finally here peeps. The Iowa Caucus. All those poor Iowans who, for months, have been stalked, hounded and preyed upon by politicians descending upon their state like a plague of locusts. As of tomorrow, you will get your TVs back free from attack ads and nonsense. You did it Iowa. Hooray! And with that, the Kibble Party gives their predictions for tonight’s results.   Wee: It’s gonna be Ted Cruz in a squeaker. He has put together one of the most brilliant ground campaigns ever and that’s what is needed to win in Iowa. As much as I want a Rand Paul upset, I will bite my tongue until it bleeds to avoid commenting on what actually will happen. Sadly, I think mother nature and the pending snow storm keeps the young kids away from Standing with Rand. I think the same holds true for Bernie Sanders. If you can’t get the youth voters to show up, there’s no chance for an upset for either Paul or Sanders. Its gonna be Hillary and Cruz out of the gate early. But we’ve all watched the Kentucky Derby and know what usually happens to the horses that get out to an early lead. And neither are Secretariat that can go coast to coast.  Bean: I think Trump pulls it out by being creative. He is crazy enough to rent a fleet of buses to pick up and take supporters to the Caucus venues. He’s an evil genius and by providing a ride, a free bottle of Trump water and some pass around hors d’oeuvres, he will get people to show up.  Mark my words, he has something up his sleeve that’s never been done before. Bernie has enough youth support who have smart phones and uber apps to get them there and/or they will carpool. This will be an upset which will knock Hillary off balance before the big TKO next week in New Hampshire.  Trump will reign supreme in Iowa.  Little Man: Rand Paul upset alert. He will get the youth vote out in full force. Many voters will have been turned off by Cruz and Rubio’s “voter violation” shame mailings that came out the end of last week. Seriously, I hope mommy gets one of those before the Florida primary, she will allow us to publicly shame that candidate on our site! Millennials unite for Bernie as well. It’s time for the youth to take our country forward by exercising their voting rights. Get out there kids! Do... read more

Wee’s Fireside Chat: How to Answer the Iraq Gotcha Question

This past week, some of the front runner Republican candidates struggled with a pretty obvious question they should’ve been prepared for. In particular was Jeb Bush’s awkward initial endorsement of his brother George’s policies and decisions, followed by the backtrack and clarifications that came later. You knew that was gonna be a big question for you Jeb? You needed to distinguish yourself by offering thoughtful commentary that distanced you away from that debacle. Let George kick you in the jimmy at Thanksgiving for the tire marks from the bus, but use common sense.  Then poor Marco Rubio sounded like a defensive child accused of taking a cookie from the jar and getting caught with crumbs on his hands. The cringe worthy responses to Chris Wallace’s questions about the decisions made in 2003 made me sit down and write out talking points for future questions to candidates:    Question: Knowing what you know now about Iraq not having WMD’s, would you have authorized the 2003 war in Iraq?  Answer: NO. Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. The focus should have been solely on Afghanistan to degrade the terrorist cells and training camps alone. If Iraq had WMD, so what? What country doesn’t have them. Iraq was a distraction.  Question: Let’s try it a different way, based upon the intelligence you had in 2003 about Iraq’s WMD, would you have authorized the war?  Answer: Emphatically no. Possession of WMD alone does not constitute the need to declare war and remove a dictator. If we did that, we’d be removing about 30 different government heads around the world. There was no credible intelligence that Iraq was behind the 9/11 attack. The majority of the hijackers were from Saudi Arabia and the UAE. Zero from Iraq, It’s equivalent to getting your ass kicked by someone and then turning around and kicking the innocent dog just because you can to try and restore your ego. It’s called displacement. And displacement is the reason for the mess we are in now. I guarantee Iraq was the patsy. Let’s go in and invade this country and show those terrorists who’s really boss. Um, fail.  Question: Let’s try it one other way. Was it a “mistake” to invade Iraq? Answer: For the third and last time Yes. After entering into the war on faulty intelligence and likely “false” pretense, we created an instability in the Middle East that will haunt us for decades. Good ole’ Rummy... read more

WeeeNN: Election 2016 – The Billary Clinton Announcement

Tonight we conclude this week’s analysis of the two most recent contestants of “I Wanna Be President” 2016. Earlier this week the Kibble Party panel discussed Marco Rubio’s announcement, tonight they discuss the long awaited but not surprising announcement of Hillary Clinton.   Mr. Bean: And the fun begins. It’s never a dull moment when the Clintons are around. Little Man: What no speech? Nope. Instead we get a video. I liked it. There was a kitty in it. How can you not like a video that has a kitten in it? Wee: She hit just about every demographic in the video; single moms, retirees, everyday workers, families, Hispanics, Gays and Lesbians, Cat and Dogs. The video was humanizing even if Hillary looked like she needed a good spray tan at the end. Join me as I find new ways not to look so pale. Mr. Bean: But we had no substance. It was like a public service message that ended with an awkward and forced announcement that she’s back. Like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. But no rally where she probably would’ve been hit with hard questions and an even harder with an errant shoe. Little Man: I’m still waiting for Elizabeth Warren. Granny Eva Peron. Populist Diva of the Middle Class. (sings) Don’t Cry for Me, All You Bankers…….. Wee: You’re gonna wait awhile Little Man. This is Hillary’s coronation. I feel bad for anyone that tries to run against her in the Democratic Party. I hear that crazy ole coot from Rhode Island that looks like Doc with a mullet from Back to the Future is going to throw his hat into the ring and his money into the toilet. Mr. Bean: You mean until Obama calls for Martial Law and announces that he will stay on for a third term? Wee: You’re an idiot Bean Bean: All kidding aside, Hillary has lots of splainin to do. Like where the emails went. Like why she had a private server when all other State Department employees were required to use official government mail servers. Like what she actually did when she was Secretary of State. Little Man: She went to Tonga baby. No other Secretary did that. Mr. Bean: Don’t forget Chipotle too Little Man. Wee: Do you think she got a burrito bowl? Did she violate the sneeze guard like Obama? Little Man: Where the hell is Bill on this baby kissing hand-shaking tour? Gimme some... read more

News of the Wee: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt…or a Dress…

I realize my wrap up is a few days late, but the reality is that I’m just lazy this week. I’m a busy kitten working simultaneously on my presidential exploration committee in addition to my full time editing chores. But we had a few beauts this week. I already discussed my displeasure that some in our own government supported a foreign leader’s security interests over our own country’s, so I won’t belabor my point. Some in this country need to decide if we are going to be Pro-America or Pro -insert any other country that helps keep our politics divisive. And with that……….News People. Wee on the developing Hillary “scandal” that she used her own personal email account for State Department business during her tenure: What difference does it make? Ok, sorry for the Benghazi joke, but I will reserve judgment until more facts are released. She is not the first politician or Secretary of State to use personal email, but as with many things the Clinton’s do, it begs the question, WHY? Her staff was specifically instructed that all state department business was to be done within the state department’s email server. Why should this not include the Madame Secretary herself? Was she lazy, is she hiding something, is there a shadow of a blue dress on Bill Clinton’s official presidential portrait? This new potential bombshell will go one of two ways;  it will go by way of whitewater (just fizzle til the next scandal) or it will derail her presidential ambitions. This to me evokes the same nostalgic feelings we had about Bill. We know something insidious is lurking, but we just can’t put our finger on it. Stay tuned on this one. In the meantime, Democrats better start working on their bench strength just in case. Right now its pretty weak.  Wee on Dr. Ben Carson’s comments that being gay is a choice: Dear Dr. Ben, You are an amazing and gifted neurosurgeon who should remain an amazing and gifted neurosurgeon. Your notion that people go into jail straight and come out gay was a comment that someone with a 5th grade education would make, not an esteemed doctor with an extensive background in SCIENCE. Becoming a doctor is a choice. What I’m eating for dinner later is a choice (well not really in my case, it’s whatever mommy feeds me). Choosing to use your personal email for state department business is a choice. Being gay is... read more

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