Protecting Your Sausage from Bacon

My goodness….look at the time people, it’s almost Christmas. And I haven’t started my shopping as of yet nor decided what I will bestow on mommy this year. Last year I gave her a gecko. It wasn’t really alive, but it was really cute in its Weekend at Bernie’s state. I even gave it a British voice and watched as mommy went from confused to horrified by my actions. Perhaps I will think grander this year. I’m on my A game now. Let’s see what’s going on in the world this week people…… Wee on the Senate Intelligence Committee release of that blasted CIA Torture Report: I’m torn on this one. While I advocate for transparency in government, there are times I really just don’t want to know what we do out there. It’s like being a mob wife. You love the riches, the parties, the glamour, the gaudy jewelry and makeup, endless botox, but you don’t really want to revel in how it comes from Joey Bagadonuts’ cement shoe business. Is torture as a means to an end justifiable? I’m not so sure that torture, even when it’s labeled as “Justifiable” is any more or less better or moral than what our enemies do to us. If it helped protect our national security and yielded valuable information to allow us to shut down terror cells, then maybe you can argue it was a viable strategy. But it does not sound like that the end result was what we thought it would be. And now it doesn’t matter because we have a whole new network of batshit crazy jihadists even more rabid than the last lot. Torture does not appear to be a deterrent to the behavior. If anything, only incites more hatred against the US. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. US intervenes where it doesn’t belong, appears shocked when struck back by those who spent decades in stewing resentment over our intervention. We respond through torturing and retaliation. Opposition in turn morphs into shiny new Transformer. Do I sound like a non-interventionist? Because it sure seems like we’d be a hell of a lot better economically and morally without getting into incessant conflicts and wars. First it was stopping the spread of communism, and then stopping the spread of terrorism. Next we will be stopping the talking apes from revolting and taking over the planet. The first ape that talks is a goner. The first cat that talks will be elected to Congress. I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about anymore. Mommy said stay on task. In terms... read more

Turkey Leftovers SUCK

I’m a little behind in my writing, but I am still recovering from all of the Thanksgiving hullabaloo. My break was good and I got to spend quality time with mommy and my siblings. I even broke with my normal aloof behavior to sit on mommy’s lap on 3 consecutive days. By the third day, mommy asked whether or not she should see a doctor as I might be one of those cats at the nursing home that can detect when someone is going to kick the bucket and thus decides to point out to the nurses which one of their dead pool picks is coming to fruition. I advised her I have no medical detection abilities and that my “cat scan” did not show anything serious other than a need for her to have a lobotomy. I was just being thankful. And with that, here are the things I am thankful for this year: 1). Kibble and canned food. 2). Dry residence with multiple cat scratch stations that I ignore in favor of the pleather ottoman. 3). Siblings that love me and understand their rank below me in the hierarchy. 4). A laptop that I can use to express my views and freak out Little Man with noises from cat videos on You Tube. 5). A mommy that lets me express my sometimes absurd views with a mere eyeroll and a “whatever Wee”. 6). Stupid people. Without them this blog would not exist. 7). Stupid politicians. See item 6. The seeds of my discontent and funny bone. 8). The new cat nip plant. I’ve gone organic finally. Biggest turkeys of the year? How do you choose just one? How about a turkey farm instead? Here’s who’s on the reservation and should’ve been carved and served at Thanksgiving. Vladimir Putin, Ray Rice, Roger Goodell, Adrian Peterson, the adult chap stuck in a child’s high chair in hotel lobby, the man who turned his amputated leg into a lamp, Bill Cosby, Justin Bieber, Ebola, Donald Sterling, Oscar Pistorius, Man who beat girlfriend with a McChicken sandwich, The Secret Service, General Motors, the people that made those bad airbags with shrapnel, Congress, McDonalds, Kanye West, The Polar Vortex, ISIL, All political ads for Charlie Crist and Rick Scott and I Frankenstein. Did anyone actually sit through that garbage? Until next week when we resume our regularly scheduled nonsense of dissection of the world……………Peace,... read more

Red Restaurant/Blue Restaurant- Partisan Foodies

In the middle of my vacation, I came across an article that incensed me so much, I had to write about it. The title: 10 Restaurants that Liberals Hate and Conservatives Should Support. Really? I mean really? Have we degraded one another so far that we are becoming partisan foodies? If an equal rights supporter is caught eating a delicious Chick-Fil-A sandwich, will they soon be arrested and tried for treason? If someone happens to support a woman’s right to choose, will they have an explosive as a pizza topping? I don’t know why this article stuck in my craw the way it did, but I am sick and tired of the media writing useless and divisive drivel that further places Americans into camps of Us v. Them. But after I calmed down and looked at it objectively, I decided that liberals must clearly have better taste in food. Aside from the undisputed tasty chicken sandwich and waffle fries at Chick-Fil-A, I will grade the remainders: Carl’s Jr/Hardees – UGH. If I had a chance to eat leaves covered in ants v. a Carl’s Jr. burger, I hate to say I would eat the leaves. Yucko. Carl’s apparently is a very strong pro-life supporter. I am also a pro-life supporter of people not dying eating horribly disgusting food. Next. Dominos Pizza – It would rank about 5th in terms of pizza stores I would order from. So in the event a city-wide blackout renders me only to be able to order from Domino’s, I would probably do so. Ditto for any store that would be willing to deliver to a drunk kitty at 2am. Don’t conservatives realize that this is one of the single most eaten foods by college liberals? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Gnaw away liberal kiddies, gnaw away. White Castle – Only when I’m drunk and in Ohio. Or after watching Harold and Kumar which promotes liberal views on marijuana. Genius business model really. We will contribute millions to Republican super pacs while simultaneously peddling to the baked and drunk liberals. Papa Johns’ – If there was a city-wide blackout and I could only order Papa John’s, I would rather eat the kibble vomited up by Little Man. Seriously, I don’t care about their screwing employees out of benefits so much as I care about how truly awful this pizza tastes. The garlic sauce is there for the sole purpose of completely drowning out the taste of stale cardboard. Applebee’s – Now... read more