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Tin Foil Tuesday: Was Marilyn Monroe Whacked By The CIA? (GASP!)

  This week’s trip ticket to Nutterville (population of 1; me) takes us to a newly released documentary titled “Unacknowledged” that makes the outrageous claim that the CIA may have offed Marilyn Monroe. Was it because of her affairs with the Kennedy brothers? Ummmm, sort of?  The documentary makes the case that during one of Monroe’s “pillow talk” sessions with Jack, she became privy to information that she shouldn’t have had. Like that JFK had seen debris from an ET vehicle at a “secret airbase” (Roswell, cough).  The film follows Dr. Steven Greer, a leading UFO nutter who connects the dots between Monroe’s death and an alleged top secret CIA memo that was issued two days prior to her untimely death ruled as an “overdose”. Like an overdose of truth maybe? The theory that the CIA may have had a hand in her death has some plausibility given what we know today about the rampant government intrusion into our private lives. The documentary goes on to “theorize” that Monroe felt spurned by Jack and was threatening to hold a press conference to talk about the alien cover-up. The CIA listening in on this conversation(like a bunch of old dirty perves expecting a different exchange) were worried about this development and simply decided………………………     Completely pawsauble, right? But this is just one part of the movie. It’s actually a documentary on the “Disclosure Project” that focuses on why the government ruthlessly enforces the spread or dissemination of any information showing that aliens exist and the depths they will go to make sure no person (or cat) finds out the truth. Yeah, I’m gonna have to run out and watch this documentary, like now. And I’m going to probably have to stop talking and writing about the Disclosure Project because I could become the first cat to die of an “overdose”. Watch at your own peril.  – Cheers – Little... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: A Cat’s Guide to Contacting Aliens

  This week I was going to address “Pizza-Gate”, but it was too depressing to learn we are now confusing fake conspiracy theories with actual news. So I will start this week with a disclaimer**** This is a FAKE NEWS SITE (GASP!). While we provide occasional editorial opinions, Tin Foil Tuesday is pure fiction and SATIRE. So if you spread this as real news, the possibility of some crazed gunman showing up at my door could send me straight to the litter box in fear. So now that my disclaimer is finished, let’s go back to having FUN with conspiracies. I spent the past week researching various ways humans have made contact with aliens in movies hoping that I could be the first cat to make contact. But……as you can imagine, it didn’t work out so well.  Day 1: Close Encounters of the Quack Kind After watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind for the first time, I decided to go out in the yard to mimic the music the humans used to communicate with aliens. You know the song right? (If not, it’s posted below). I didn’t have a church organ or a tuba which would have been ideal, so I trotted out an old kazoo. I spent the next hour repeatedly kazooing the song with not a peep from above. While I failed to summon the Mothership, I did attract every duck east of the Mississippi River. Holy crap, mommy is mad. Duck and goose poop everywhere. Verdict: Fail     Day 2: ET – The Extra-Tuxedo Cat After hiding in the closet in a pile of clothes to throw mommy off my trail, I snuck out of the house and rode in the basket of a neighbor’s bike to the woods where I opened a bag of Reese’s Pieces and repeatedly screamed “phone home”. No aliens came to pick me up, but cops showed up after calls of a cat in heat screeching and waking up the neighborhood. In space no one can hear you scream but in a neighborhood apparently everyone can. Verdict: Fail Day 3: The Cat Who Fell to Earth After sorta watching this bizarre cult classic starring the dead-too-soon David Bowie, I went outside and blared Major Tom in the hopes I could bring back Bowie and save 2016. It was twenty minutes before Mommy came out and said I was not playing Bowie’s Major Tom but rather 80’s one-hit wonder Peter... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Switzerland’s Immigration Problem. Ushering in the Ghostbusters (Gasp!)

  What the what? For those of you who aren’t science nerds like me, there is a subatomic particle smasher located in Switzerland called the Large Hadron Collider built by the European Center for Nuclear Research (aka CERN). This collider is the largest and most powerful in the world and is designed to see what happens when you add a recipe of subatomic particles and speed of light. The results are smashing. Like literally. These subatomic crashes may have inadvertently unlocked the secrets of  parallel dimensions. You know where there may be an alternate Earth with world peace and viable Presidential candidates.  There’s been a lot of strange activity noted recently and on June 26, 2016, the sky opened up to what appears to be a portal possibly to another dimension. (No not the 5th Dimension. That’s a band from the 60’s). I’ll let you take a look at the various photos that have been posted and let you decide……….       My take? I smell another conspiracy to promote the release of a movie that really didn’t need to be remade. This time, the reboot of Ghostbusters. The giant portal they opened up at CERN is clearly going to unleash the underworld of ectoplasmic slimer goons on Europe. Talk about open borders and immigration issues. Oy! I predict within 30 days we will finally see the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man emerge and he will be recruited to fight the war on terror. Better call Egon now. Get him out here stat to help us stop this invasion!! (See the similarities?) In all seriousness, its a very interesting project that does bring about some healthy curiosity on what the heck is actually going on in Switzerland. They say that curiosity killed the cat, so I’m going to maybe focus my attention on the red laser for now. –  Cheers, Little... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Matchmaking for Tin Foils!

  I’m back, but still helping mommy with our sissy Binks. We all appreciate the kind thoughts as she goes through this very difficult terminal illness.  Online dating is a billion dollar business that has grown to epic proportions in the past decade. There’s pretty much a site for anyone and everyone looking for their  one true “soul mate” or at least a compatible dating partner.  And there are some strange ones that include;  gluten-free dating, nudists, Women Behind Bars (lol), people who like to dress up like animals (not joking), farmers only, sugar babies, tall people only, zombie-lovers, mustache lovers (yeah me!), people with allergies and clown dating. Seriously, there are some funny sites, but whatever floats your boat humans.  In looking at conspiracies this week, I stumbled across a new dating site that pairs you with potential mates that also enjoy wearing tin foil on their heads.  Awake Dating is a site for singles looking for other “Aware”  singles that believe in the Illuminati, aliens, Chemtrails, JFK theories, birthers, New World Order among other things. You can even build your own avatar, create your own wallpaper and search near and far for someone that you can build a truly paranoid fantasy world together. Kind of like real dating mommy says.  I’m going to create a profile to see if there is anyone looking for a handsome, paranoid and truth-seeking tuxedo kitty. I will let you know when I meet my purrfect match. Until then, forge on my tin foils!   ... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: The Government is Controlling the Weather (Gasp!)

  Another Tuesday and another round of conspiracies to peruse. This week I look at the conspiracy theories about humans controlling the weather as though there really is a small population of X-Men mutants running around experimenting with their powers. That darn Professor Xavier really might exist.   So here’s where I put my tin foil hat on and wonder whether the government is using the weather to control climate change, population and mind control and creating super disasters. Here are a few doozies I’ve found in my research.  1). Superstorm Sandy was done by Obama – Yup, there are folks out there that think Obama with his Super Storm PAC engineered this behemoth storm in an attempt to disrupt the 2012 Presidential Election. After all, following Benghazi, he needed to create a diversion where he would look like a hero afterwards. With all of the huggy bear with Chris Christie and stuff afterwards, he looked “compassionate” to the world. Does this sound ridiculous? Can man really engineer Super Storms? If so, why hasn’t the military engineered a Super Storm to wipe out ISIS instead of Atlantic City? Hmm? Yeah, that’s what I thought. But good try tin foils. 2). Europe is stealing rain from Iran- Why? Former President and Wackadoodle extraordinaire Mahmoud Ahmadenijad claimed that Europe created special technology to drain the rain from clouds in Iran to douse European cities, thus creating a water and economic crisis in the country. It might lend some credence except it started pouring on his tin foil hat during his inauguration so I think we can discredit that one. Plus their economic crisis was man made thanks to their awful government resulting in crippling sanctions.  3). The granddaddy of all weather conspiracies is HAARP (High Frequency Active Auroral  Research Program). You see HAARP (which I keep confusing with AARP and blaming mommy) is a military organization that may be coming up with various plans/schemes to modify weather into warfare. HAARP has been blamed for creating Hurricanes Katrina, Rita and Wilma. I guess that gives new meaning to HERricanes. But the best is that tin foils believe that HAARP is also manipulating the atmosphere to create giant earthquakes like the ones in Chile and in Japan in 2011 by way of a massive antennae that’s secretly housed beyond barbed wire in Alaska. This antennae is pointed at the ionosphere with enough concentration that causes it to snap like a rubber band and creates a massive earthquake.... read more

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