WeeeNN: Election 2016 – The Billary Clinton Announcement

Tonight we conclude this week’s analysis of the two most recent contestants of “I Wanna Be President” 2016. Earlier this week the Kibble Party panel discussed Marco Rubio’s announcement, tonight they discuss the long awaited but not surprising announcement of Hillary Clinton.   Mr. Bean: And the fun begins. It’s never a dull moment when the Clintons are around. Little Man: What no speech? Nope. Instead we get a video. I liked it. There was a kitty in it. How can you not like a video that has a kitten in it? Wee: She hit just about every demographic in the video; single moms, retirees, everyday workers, families, Hispanics, Gays and Lesbians, Cat and Dogs. The video was humanizing even if Hillary looked like she needed a good spray tan at the end. Join me as I find new ways not to look so pale. Mr. Bean: But we had no substance. It was like a public service message that ended with an awkward and forced announcement that she’s back. Like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. But no rally where she probably would’ve been hit with hard questions and an even harder with an errant shoe. Little Man: I’m still waiting for Elizabeth Warren. Granny Eva Peron. Populist Diva of the Middle Class. (sings) Don’t Cry for Me, All You Bankers…….. Wee: You’re gonna wait awhile Little Man. This is Hillary’s coronation. I feel bad for anyone that tries to run against her in the Democratic Party. I hear that crazy ole coot from Rhode Island that looks like Doc with a mullet from Back to the Future is going to throw his hat into the ring and his money into the toilet. Mr. Bean: You mean until Obama calls for Martial Law and announces that he will stay on for a third term? Wee: You’re an idiot Bean Bean: All kidding aside, Hillary has lots of splainin to do. Like where the emails went. Like why she had a private server when all other State Department employees were required to use official government mail servers. Like what she actually did when she was Secretary of State. Little Man: She went to Tonga baby. No other Secretary did that. Mr. Bean: Don’t forget Chipotle too Little Man. Wee: Do you think she got a burrito bowl? Did she violate the sneeze guard like Obama? Little Man: Where the hell is Bill on this baby kissing hand-shaking tour? Gimme some... read more

Wee Sits Down for a Q&A with Bean

WeeeNN introduces Mr. Bean, our resident conservative voice of reason.. Or lunacy, depending upon which side of the fence you lean. Wee sits down with Mr. Bean for a short Q&A on his views on the state of the world.   Wee: Mr. Bean, what is your view of the world we live in now?   Bean: As they say in some Facebook relationship statuses, “it’s complicated”. We struggle to remain dominant in a global economy. We are dealing with a rising threat of terror that is almost unprecedented. Geopolitically, the world is more unstable than we’ve seen in the past two decades. It’s a difficult sandbox to play in and one that’s resembling more of a used litter box.   Wee: What do you think about the economic stability the US is presently experiencing?   Bean: I think the economy is succeeding in spite of itself. Jobs and housing are on the mend, we are very driven by the stock market, but we are always one bubble away from being right back where we were in 2008. Our focus needs to turn on rebuilding and reinforcing our country. From infrastructure to incentives at the state level to attract companies and create jobs. We still have a long way to go in my opinion. Right now we are built on a house of cards and without a proper foundation, you know what happens next.   Wee: What do you perceive to be the biggest threat to the US?   Bean: Cybersecurity. We have just seen the tip of the iceberg on it and my fear is that there is a high probability that a major cyberattack will forever change the world we live in. We are a few mouse clicks away from living like Mad Max in dystopia. We must take steps to improve our country’s infrastructure’s security and fast.   Wee: What grade would you give President Obama?   Bean: C+. I think in some respects he has been very measured in his approach to economic and foreign policy responses. Let’s face it, he doesn’t get enough credit for helping us avoid the financial precipice and the reality is, he has governed more like a moderate Republican at times than a Progressive. In other areas, I have found him to be very ineffective, most notably in trying to figure out how to lead consistently. It’s like sitting in a Ferrari with a driver that doesn’t know how or... read more

News of the Wee: Je Suis Charlie

The first week of the new year is coming to a close, but it sure was a messy one. Mommy is getting on me to finish my weekly wrap up, but it was just really a perplexing and depressing week which eradicated any remaining holiday cheer. Plane crashes, terrorist attacks, Congress is back in session,….where does this kitty begin? Wee on the Paris terrorist tragedies: Bottom line, we will not be silenced. There was the war on terror and now the war on free speech by terrorists. But listen here terrorist scum, you can try to silence us, but we have strength in numbers. If you take one of us out, 10 more will rise up in it’s place to fight your hatred and fascism. Take a look at the human spirit in the unity march in Paris taking place today. Thousands of moderate French Muslims marching with signs proclaiming, “Not in My Name”. A million people have just trumped your 4 idiots that perpetrated horror this week. France, like the US and Great Britain before it, will rise above this tragedy. You can kill people, but you will never kill our spirit or our ability to freely express our beliefs. Wee on the Keystone Pipeline vote: V  is for Veto is good enough for me. Listen people, I’d rather see us take money and create jobs that will benefit our country, not Canada. You know like investing money into fixing our infrastructure which needs a large nip and tuck. Maybe upgrade our electrical grids to where pimply faced 15 year old boys cannot hack it on a random boring Saturday night at home.  Just saying. But if it somehow makes it past Obama’s pen, then the states it impacts and the nimrods in Congress get exactly what they deserve. SO…cue the old adage; be careful what you wish for. If the Ogallala aquifer in Nebraska gets polluted from ground contamination 10 years from now, no big deal. It’s only responsible for about 20-30% of our farming irrigation in the Great Plains. So let’s build a pipeline for another country who will export their gold to other countries but will generate US jobs in the short term and very few in the future. Sounds like a fair deal to me.  Oh and let’s jeopardize our food supply for future generations. Because exporting food from other countries is cheaper for consumers, right? I just don’t see anything coming out of... read more

News of the Wee: Winter Soldier or Winter the Dolphin?

Another week is heading to conclusion and it will usher in the coldest weather of the fall into the sunshine state. I know what you’re thinking, really Wee? Cold in Florida is the equivalent of opening the refrigerator to get a beer. It’s over and done with in about 30 seconds. I have already turned on the heat in preparation which mommy did not appreciate given that it’s still 85 degrees today. What’s news peeps…………… Wee on Jose Canseco shooting himself in the hand: Let’s see, Canseco has shot his mouth off repeatedly about things and shot himself (and others) in the foot during the steroid scandal. Oh you mean, he actually shot himself this time….with a bullet? Mommy: Yes Wee. Wee: Carry on. The best part of the story is that the shooting came shortly after his firing off angry tweets about Delta Airline’s poor customer service. Apparently the lesson is fly the friendly karma skies that Delta control and don’t tweet angry messages while you clean your gun. #NAILEDIT Mommy rolled her eyes. Wee on nurse Kaci Hickox challenging her quarantine in Maine Listen sweetie, I guarantee if Mommy came in contact with an Ebola patient and they wanted her to home quarantine for 21 days, her a** would be sitting on the couch watching endless hours of Bravo shows. The delivery man would leave the pizza on the porch and I would slide it in the house. I would regularly take her temperature (via rectal thermometer of course, kitty snicker) while she slept to make sure she’s not symptomatic. What’s the problem???? 21 days off. Who wouldn’t want that? I commend her for her selfless service over in Africa, but is 21 days of your life too much to ask for what could be potentially life and death for someone else? She seems to think she has science and the constitution on her side. But firstly, of those that became infected in this country or through exposure in Africa, we don’t have 100% certainty how these people became infected. Second, it’s also my constitutional kitty right not to be exposed to a potentially deadly disease because someone wants to thumb their nose at the government. Next…. Wee on Naming Winter Storms: As hurricane season begins its wind down, mother nature then ushers in the dreaded winter storm season. I find it odd that we now name winter storms. It seems rather silly and pointless. But if... read more