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Tin Foil Hat Tuesdays: Oh Cripe, Here Comes Another Asteroid (Again)

Here we go with another asteroid/earth collision prediction. This time around September 28, 2015. Self-professed “prophet” Efrain Rodriguez has seen the vision people. And this time the asteroid is going to hit Puerto Rico. You know like both Hurricane Danny and Tropical Storm Erika were supposed to hit Puerto Rico a few weeks ago and didn’t? Yeah, same with this next disaster.    The prophecy comes as we enter into the last of the cycle of 4 blood moons that week. Why this blood moon is going to bring the asteroid and not the other 3?  I have no freaking clue. That and the fact that NASA denies there is anything floating out there remotely close enough to hit us directly for like, ohhh, let’s say 20 or so years. (to read more about the blood moons, see post script below). I thought the moon was actually going to be bleeding because it’s got hit by an asteroid first. I was so wrong.    But if it were to hit, this column would cease to exist as the 2.5 mile wide killer rock would trigger a 12.0 on the Richter scale and since we live near the gulf coast, we will be swept away in our canoes. (Yes to be safe, I have stolen mommy’s credit card and purchased one on Amazon. The garage is so messy I doubt she will even notice it there).    So, the week of Sept 28, if you see a red moon (and I don’t mean a hillbillies’ butt), then quickly get your canoe and goggles ready for the pending rise of the sea level. If you live in Nebraska or Kansas, however, you can sit back and laugh as soon you will have waterfront property for free and crazy Florida will be gone! And you will get to see 4 cats paddling by on a canoe with Wee yelling “paddle faster I hear banjos”! Mr. Bean wearing a feather boa and studded glasses. Binks yelling at everyone because she has dementia and me, Little Man. I will be the handsome one that called this disaster and sporting my best tin foil hat. Until then, rage on my conspiracy peeps! Cheers, Little Man P.S. – History of the “blood moon”, also known by scientists as tetrad. For instance, in our 21st century (2001-2100), there are a total 8 tetrads, but in the 17th, 18th and 19th centuries, there were none at all. If we include all the... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesdays: Ok NOW The End Will Be In September

After a recent 6 million mile “close call” by an asteroid in May, comes the latest prediction of the apocalypse. So get out your best number 2 pencil or get your dry erase board marker ready and circle the month of September of 2015. In fact, mark up the week of September 22-28 to be exact.  It will start with a giant asteroid. One that is not even on NASA’s radar or list of presently known risks. But never mind science. PFFFT! Once this “asteroid” hits it will set off a cataclysmic climate change that will allow the Illuminati to begin their evil plan of New World Order. My question is what if the Illuminati is actually wiped out by this fictitious asteroid? Then what Tin Foil Hat wearers?  It gets better. The asteroid ushers in the beginning of the Rapture and the commencement of the 7- year Tribulation. Next comes the Illuminati, the revelation of the Beast and our favorite Pope of all time, Francis will assume the role of the “False Prophet” found in the Book of Revelations.  Even Jade Helm 15 (see prior post) is now the apparent precursor to the Rapture. The “not-so- secret” military exercises are now going to be “seeding the atmosphere” in preparation for the asteroid. I suppose Jade Helm is the gasoline and the giant asteroid is the match. But the government already knows that since they are the “elite” that will form the New World Order immediately following the asteroid. They haven’t told us about this clearly because we would flood Walmart stores for beef jerky and raid online retailers that sell gas masks and hazmet protective gear. And we would withdraw all of our money in the banks to hide under our mattresses causing the ultimate financial collapse of the markets. So shhhhh, it’s a secret people.  So to recap; Jade Helm starting in July is the precursor to the big scary asteroid hit in September which will usher in horrible climate disasters, the Illuminati, The Beast and Pope Francis as the evil False Prophet. That should take us to December and by then, people will be ready to start their annual Christmas shopping goat rodeo. And going about life as though this conspiracy theory never existed. And never happened.  My little head hurts from the stupidity. Hold me mommy.  – Cheers – Little... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: Asteroid Armageddon

Make sure you wear a clean pair of underwear folks because on Thursday, your number just might be up. Or not…….. A few “news” organizations earlier this week reported that a mile wide asteroid was on a collision course with earth this coming Thursday. The headline from The Daily Express, a UK “paper” ran the following headline:  Asteroid a MILE wide to hurtle past Earth in 48 HOURS – as experts warn of MASS EXTINCTION Holy crap. How did we not see this coming? I mean, we have NASA and radars and satellites and Stephen Hawking, yet no other credible reporting entity has mentioned anything about this apocalyptic event? Is this a conspiracy? Bill Belicheck’s way to divert the public’s attention away from Tom Brady’s deflating balls?   Ok, according to NASA, the asteroid designated 1999 FN 53 (meaning it’s been on their radar since 1999) is expected to hurtle past the earth on Thursday in a drive-by shooting and by drive by shooting I mean, hurling past earth with a megaphone yelling, “Not yet humans, not yet, but I’ll be back again in another bazillion years”. It will be approximately 10 million kilometers away at it’s closest pass which is oh, about six million miles away. What does 6 million miles away from earth look like?  The third rock from the sun is really Milky Way’s pimple 1999 FN 53 is not even on NASA’s near earth object current impact risks’ chart. I have included the following link so you can now plan around potential asteroid hits in the future. It would be a great excuse to get out of those events you really don’t want to attend. “I’m sorry I can’t attend your child’s circumcision on Sunday, they are predicting that 2015 EO will be making it’s closest pass to earth”. “I think I’m gonna stay in that day. It might get really hot”.  So, continue on as you normally do this week humans. But if by chance you see Bruce Willis hanging out with Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler and some other “oil workers”, you might want to run to the pharmacy for some SPF 50 and darker sunglasses. Get a tuneup on that A/C while you’re at it…. http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/risks/ – Wee (The... read more

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