search
top

Tin Foil Tuesday: Space Conspiracies That Are Out Of This World

 

By now you should know that my favorite topics are space and aliens. I could talk about this until white coats come and cart me off to the nutter’s ward. And by nutter’s ward, I mean spaceship where they will most certainly inspect my anus for answers to the mysterious earthling felines. Space continues to fuel some of the best conspiracies that just don’t die. For example, we’ve covered Planet X (Nibiru) that was supposed to kill us several times now (yawn), the Apollo moon mission was fake (Russia conspiracy!), people are already living on Mars, space dandruff, and a myriad of asteroid doomsday predictions that came and went like my biological dad (#felinedaddyissues). But just like space, there are infinite conspiracies that I continue to find on a daily basis which piques my astronaut fantasies. Here are some novel ones:  

 

Saturn’s Moon Iapetus is really an alien Death Star. 

 

The moon Iapetus is an alien Death Star.

I mean look at it? It’s an exact replica. Does this mean that Darth Vader really is circling the galaxy looking to spread evil while killing off feline Jedis? Or is it really just Dark Helmet coming towards Earth to suck out the oxygen with a giant Dyson vacuum? Meh, it’s just a moon and it hasn’t moved any closer to us, so the Death Star is most certainly stuck in the orbital mud and not a threat to our existence on earth. YAY!

 

The Hexagon Around Saturn Is Really Alien Technology? 

Saturn's hexagon is alien technology.

Um, this looks like bone marrow. Or a giant Rolo. Or Van Gogh was high again. And there is a giant hurricane in the middle. Or possibly a portal to another gateway (hell). I doubt if it’s alien technology. They’re way too advanced for this hot mess. 

 

Will the moon turn Green? 

The moon will turn green.

Sweet Jeebus. In April of 2016, nutters predicted the moon would turn green because of a rare interplanetary alignment that had not occurred since 1594. Well, that never happened. But perhaps it could happen under the following scenarios; St. Patrick’s Day when you’ve put too much whiskey in your McDonald’s Shamrock Shake, obviously when it’s 4/20,  or when you are colorblind and can only see green and white. Seriously, don’t you think Galileo would have told us of this green moon nonsense since he was alive at the time of the last interplanetary alignment? And he certainly would have told us if the moon was made out of swiss cheese too. 

 

A Star is Flinging Comets at Earth

Image result for comets to earth

Or rather, a star from some other solar system is really just a grade schooler hell bent on sending spitballs to its earth crush. This nutter theory purports there is a Death Star (not Saturn’s moon) just outside the solar system that is waiting patiently for another 27 million years to send a big zinger to earth to cause mass extinction. Well since the last mass extinction occurred over 65 million years ago that means we are sorta overdue. Either that or that “death-star” thing has been sent to detention for being an asshole. Either way, I’m not gonna lose sleep over this one. 

Cheers – Little Man 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

top