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Tin Foil Tuesday: I’ll Take Potpourri for $200 Alex

  Since 2016 was the wackiest conspiracy year on record, it’s becoming harder and harder this year to find anything that is worthy of true comedy gold. Which is why this week, I will turn my attention instead to wacky conspiracy headlines, past and present, that made me chuckle so hard a hairball came flying out.    Queen Elizabeth’s Brexit Protest Hat Yup the old queen certainly raised eyebrows when she showed up for the opening of Parliament sporting a fabulous blue hat that somewhat resembles the European Union flag. Did the Queen just throw some shade at Brexit? I hope so because she would immediately rise to top 5 for me.    Stevie Wonder is not so blind? (GASP!) Yup – Good old Sean Combs aka “Puff Daddy” blabbered on in a Jimmy Kimmel interview earlier this month that Stevie can not only tell you what he is wearing and what color it is, he can maneuver around the room better than mommy’s Roomba. This is actually a rather old but ongoing conspiracy that maybe Stevie has been robbing us blind for years. But Puffy just reignited the fire.    Lady Gaga killed Lou Reed (GASP!) This nutty Mcnutterson came about after Reed’s untimely death in 2013. Prior to that, Gaga had hired Reed as a consultant for her album ArtPop as she was wanting to invoke the vibe of The Velvet Underground. But Reed apparently HATED it. Then he turned around and publicly praised Kanye West. That alone was probably enough to have Gaga summon the Illuminati to ensure Reed didn’t recover from his surgery. But I’m not gonna buy into this bad romance.    John Lennon was killed because he told the world the CIA invented LSD (Not shocked). The war on drugs has been going on for more than a half a century. Would it really surprise you that the CIA would want to take out a political activist and music icon after he told Playboy in a 1980 interview that we can thank the CIA and the Army for creating LSD.  Mind you, this interview took place a mere 3 months prior to his death.  So did the CIA retaliate by enacting super assassin Mark David Chapman to take out Lennon?  Listen, while I would be horrified if that were the case, let’s give the CIA some credit then because, without LSD, we would never have the masterpiece “Revolver”.  Or at least that’s my take –... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Tom Hanks Saves The Week By Freaking Everyone Out

            God love Tom Hanks. His cryptic photo of an unusual windowless building in New York City that is creepy as hell sent the Twitterverse into a frenzy. When you ask the question, you get amazing answers. Like the following:  @tomhanks I’m pretty sure Danaerys Targaryan keeps her dragons there. @tomhanks It’s where they make TV remotes that don’t work @tomhanks You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave. @tomhanks This has to be a Scientology temple where they perform audits with E-meters and draw up battle plans to fight aliens led by Xenu.. @tomhanks They make crotchet penguins…. @tomhanks World Jenga championships…. scary stuff x And my personal favorite:  @tomhanks The national covfefe center    So what is this building you ask? And why has nobody ever talked about it before? It was apparently originally constructed by AT&T to house long distance carrier equipment. Yeah, and I have a tin foil hat to sell you people…….It’s probably an NSA bunker where they are knee deep in your cell phone’s photos right now. Yes, even the ones you think you’ve “deleted” (no, not the cat photos).  There’s probably a whole floor of the building dedicated to the avalanche of Anthony Weiner’s dick pics alone.  The building allegedly can withstand a nuclear fallout for up to 2 weeks with full provisions and the ability to stay off the grid for that period of time. So it’s basically a building that we will never see the inside of because we aren’t politicians or billionaires or Edward Snowden-types. Or maybe it really houses Zuul from Ghostbusters……I thought that building looked familiar. Cheers – Little Man... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Was Marilyn Monroe Whacked By The CIA? (GASP!)

  This week’s trip ticket to Nutterville (population of 1; me) takes us to a newly released documentary titled “Unacknowledged” that makes the outrageous claim that the CIA may have offed Marilyn Monroe. Was it because of her affairs with the Kennedy brothers? Ummmm, sort of?  The documentary makes the case that during one of Monroe’s “pillow talk” sessions with Jack, she became privy to information that she shouldn’t have had. Like that JFK had seen debris from an ET vehicle at a “secret airbase” (Roswell, cough).  The film follows Dr. Steven Greer, a leading UFO nutter who connects the dots between Monroe’s death and an alleged top secret CIA memo that was issued two days prior to her untimely death ruled as an “overdose”. Like an overdose of truth maybe? The theory that the CIA may have had a hand in her death has some plausibility given what we know today about the rampant government intrusion into our private lives. The documentary goes on to “theorize” that Monroe felt spurned by Jack and was threatening to hold a press conference to talk about the alien cover-up. The CIA listening in on this conversation(like a bunch of old dirty perves expecting a different exchange) were worried about this development and simply decided………………………     Completely pawsauble, right? But this is just one part of the movie. It’s actually a documentary on the “Disclosure Project” that focuses on why the government ruthlessly enforces the spread or dissemination of any information showing that aliens exist and the depths they will go to make sure no person (or cat) finds out the truth. Yeah, I’m gonna have to run out and watch this documentary, like now. And I’m going to probably have to stop talking and writing about the Disclosure Project because I could become the first cat to die of an “overdose”. Watch at your own peril.  – Cheers – Little... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Space Conspiracies That Are Out Of This World

  By now you should know that my favorite topics are space and aliens. I could talk about this until white coats come and cart me off to the nutter’s ward. And by nutter’s ward, I mean spaceship where they will most certainly inspect my anus for answers to the mysterious earthling felines. Space continues to fuel some of the best conspiracies that just don’t die. For example, we’ve covered Planet X (Nibiru) that was supposed to kill us several times now (yawn), the Apollo moon mission was fake (Russia conspiracy!), people are already living on Mars, space dandruff, and a myriad of asteroid doomsday predictions that came and went like my biological dad (#felinedaddyissues). But just like space, there are infinite conspiracies that I continue to find on a daily basis which piques my astronaut fantasies. Here are some novel ones:     Saturn’s Moon Iapetus is really an alien Death Star.    I mean look at it? It’s an exact replica. Does this mean that Darth Vader really is circling the galaxy looking to spread evil while killing off feline Jedis? Or is it really just Dark Helmet coming towards Earth to suck out the oxygen with a giant Dyson vacuum? Meh, it’s just a moon and it hasn’t moved any closer to us, so the Death Star is most certainly stuck in the orbital mud and not a threat to our existence on earth. YAY!   The Hexagon Around Saturn Is Really Alien Technology?  Um, this looks like bone marrow. Or a giant Rolo. Or Van Gogh was high again. And there is a giant hurricane in the middle. Or possibly a portal to another gateway (hell). I doubt if it’s alien technology. They’re way too advanced for this hot mess.    Will the moon turn Green?  Sweet Jeebus. In April of 2016, nutters predicted the moon would turn green because of a rare interplanetary alignment that had not occurred since 1594. Well, that never happened. But perhaps it could happen under the following scenarios; St. Patrick’s Day when you’ve put too much whiskey in your McDonald’s Shamrock Shake, obviously when it’s 4/20,  or when you are colorblind and can only see green and white. Seriously, don’t you think Galileo would have told us of this green moon nonsense since he was alive at the time of the last interplanetary alignment? And he certainly would have told us if the moon was made out of swiss cheese too.    A... read more

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