Tin Foil Tuesday: And the Oscar Goes to……………ME!!!!!

  Today is Tuesday here in Little Man’s world, or as mommy likes to call it, LA LA Land. Yes, THE story this week is the huge bungle at the Oscars that Steve Harveyed it’s way through the Best Picture nomination. First, it was announced LA LA Land was the bestest movie of the year only to find out it wasn’t and that Moonlight was actually the bestest movie. This debacle had all the Hollywood peoples saying WTF? And all of the hooman viewers saying WTF? And all of the feline viewers saying YAWN, did I miss something while I slept? So what happened?  Conspiracies galore flooded Twitter much like water flooded the SS Poseidon and ruined Shelly Winter’s dress (but unlike La La Land, she actually won the Oscar for that role so HA!). Here are the conspiratheories we find most compelling:  1). Jimmy Kimmel did it. After all, this will be the most talked about Oscars for years to come. He will forever be remembered as the host of the goofiest show ever. He will be invited back next year for ratings with masses tuning in to see whether they will screw it up again. Job security. He had motive.  2). Matt Damon did it. His longstanding faux feud with Kimmel is the perfect foil for Damon to exact his revenge. While that would be amazing, it’s not the likely he would sabotage his friend. Especially since he produced the heralded Manchester By The Sea. He didn’t have motive.  3). Leonardo DiCaprio totally did it. While he did finally win Oscar gold for The Revenant, he was overlooked for years. He was also allegedly the last one to have the envelope, so…………… 4). Warren Beatty and Fay Dunaway totally Bonnie and Clyded this one. It’s too perfect of a “heist” for it not to be true. If nothing else, they “stole” the show right out from under Kimmel.  And finally……….. 5). Donald Trump did it. The ultimate revenge for a season of award shows bashing his Presidency. He finally wins the game of karma. Except he wasn’t there and probably didn’t watch any coverage until his 3 am twitter alarm woke him up.  My take? Neither of these films should have won. The best picture of the year was Hacksaw Ridge hands down. Followed closely only by the video of me chasing my tail. Until next year…………. Cheers – Little... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: NASA Cuts off Feed During Alien Air Show (Boo!)

  Another month, another NASA ISS satellite feed cut during the aliens’ “big reveal”. In the video attached, six “suspected” alien Maseratis are shown barreling down the space autobahn. As soon as they’re spotted, BOOM, the feed gets mysteriously cut and replaced with footage of an empty briefing room. But before we get our panties all in a bunch, a former NASA employee explains that it’s nothing more than “space dandruff” (ice crystals). Yeah right.  My take? Aliens are much more advanced than humans so wouldn’t they have already found a way to effectively get rid of space dandruff?   Let’s look at a movie highlighting this dandruff issue which now makes total sense. If you were one of the few people that saw Ivan Reitman’s 2001 movie Evolution or actually remember seeing it, congratulations. The movie starred relatively big actors from the early 2000’s including David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Stiffler, and Julianne Moore. The premise is a group of rag tag humans that include scientists and dumber than dumb people that end up destroying the alien monsters with………..wait for it………Head and Shoulders.  Yes. You read that right. Apparently the main ingredient in Head and Shoulders is selenium which would potentially be poisonous to aliens since they are nitrogen-based life.  So if aliens are adverse to Head and Shoulders, it would certainly explain the epidemic of space dandruff flying around. There’s no cure in space.  So if you think you might be an alien AND you have a scratchy flaky scalp, do not, I repeat DO NOT attempt to mitigate your problems with the use of Head and Shoulders. Your life depends upon it. As for me? I’m a carbon-based feline that has secretly ordered 14 cases of Head and Shoulders on mommy’s Amazon account for my future bunker stay. Cue the screaming and yelling in 3-2-1……………. Cheers,  Little... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: What’s in Vault 7? (Gasp!)

  After taking a break from obliterating the US Presidential electoral process, Julian Assange is back and cheekier than ever. We last heard from Assange when he tweeted he would consider turning himself in if Chelsea Manning was pardoned by Obama. To which Obama looked at Joe Biden and said, “hold my beer”.  Now comes a series of cryptic tweets involving #Vault7 that has nutters licking their chops at what may be stored inside this “secret vault”. Oh please don’t keep me in suspense Julian. I have a very short attention span and could be easily distracted by a piece of lint at this point.   So what were the tweets?  Tweet One – What is #Vault7?  The attached photo is of the Svalbard Seed Vault in Norway that stores spare seeds in case there is a total annihilation of the planet and we would need to start anew. Kinda like the Noah’s Ark of seeds. So have the seeds been stolen? Do they contain Jack’s Magic Beans? Is someone about to drop a Giant on us? Hmmm….Go on Assange.    Tweet Two – Where is #Vault7?  Photo two shows a Nazi gold mine discovered by the U.S. Army during World War II. So does Julian Assange have Nazi gold? Or did they find the Ark of the Covenant that was last seen with Indiana Jones before all of the Nazis’ faces melted off. Assange apparently thinks he has the “golden ticket”.    Tweet Three – When is #Vault7?  Photo three is an image from 2010 taken at Langley Air Force Base showing a testing of a Pratt and Whitney F-199-PW-100 jet engine. The military often uses soundproof hush houses to test engines. You know, like a vault. So are we testing another doomsday weapon that we will need to stop the Giant from Jack’s magic bean from melting our faces off?    Tweet Four – Who is #Vault7?  Photo four is basically a who’s who of information leakers; Bradley/Chelsea Manning, Julian Assange and Edward Snowden. It’s a cheeky photoshop that brings me to a dead end after the first three tweets. Chelsea is not saying squat now that she’s free. Snowden did his public service by letting us know that the government is interested in all of your cat photos on your cell phones. So Assange is the only person still leaking. This one has me stumped.    Tweet Five – Why is #Vault7?  Photo five shows a... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: The Billionaires are Building Bunkers (Gasp!)

  Talk about being the last to know. Several publications in the past couple of weeks that may or may not be “fake news”  are reporting that there has been an uptick in very rich billionaires buying land in New Zealand. Why New Zealand you ask? Because it’s thousands of miles away from any war zone, has no bordering countries, and is only inhabited by hobbits….and sheep. And it’s nice, like first world infrastructure nice.  But the “news” rags go on to say that in addition to the ongoing land grab by these billionaires (many from Silicon Valley), they are also allegedly building doomsday “bunkers” with luxurious underground facilities that include generators, food supply, and ping pong tables. The techies allegedly also participate in secret networking events where they discuss topics such as geopolitical upheaval, economic meltdowns, nuclear war, zombie apocalypse, super volcanoes, Super Ebola, and of course, alien invasions. Apparently, aliens think the Lord of the Rings’ movies are the crowning achievement of humans and thus, they will never invade or disturb New Zealand (Middle Earth).  Can’t afford New Zealand or endure the 12 to 18 hours flight from the states? There’s always Hawaii. That’s another area where many tech giants have decided to carve out future kingdoms “just in case”.  Or maybe its because they have so much money they can just buy parts of countries or entire states.   So this begs the question, what do they know that we don’t? Umm, these are the smartest people on the planet and if they’re buying land in the middle of nowhere oceans away from the apocalypse, something tells me that I should be working harder on my dreams of being a farm cat in a Uruguayan bunker, the Switzerland of South America. After all, I’m fluent in bitcoin, the Illuminati, and alien activity. I would be the perfect pet for any wealthy survivalist.  So if you’re listening Peter Thiel, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Huffman (or any other wealthy billionaire with a bunker) looking for a really obedient and entertaining companion animal while you’re hunkering in the bunker, call me………………………maybe.  Cheers,   Little... read more