Fireside Chat With Wee: Binks’ Story

  This week Little Man decided to put aside conspiracy theories to let Mommy do a guest blog on our sister Binks. She was diagnosed last week with Oral Squamous Cell Cancer and it’s been a tough week for our tribe here. I will let her fill you in on the details and the difficult decisions that will need to be made in the coming week(s).    Hello Wee friends, I know we are a site that normally brings silliness and comic relief to the absurdity of the world. Today I bring you sad news that our matriarch Binks, 17, has been given a grave prognosis in the past week and I wanted to bring attention to this horrible disease while giving others that have been through their pet’s terminal illness comfort and my upmost love and support. Binks lost her brother Chocky to this disease 4 years ago and in that time there have been no new or novel treatments discovered that help cats survive this dreadful disease.  When I woke up last Saturday, I noticed her cheek was swollen and my immediate thoughts were that she had an abscessed tooth. I had been hesitant to have any work done on her teeth given her age and other health problems which makes putting a cat under anesthesia a risky venture. But I had no choice. If she had an abscess, it would soon threaten her well-being and may even kill her, so I had to make the tough decision to risk it to save her.  Last Monday was a punch to the gut. When the vet called to tell me that Binks did great under anesthesia and had the affected teeth pulled and was up and about shortly after the procedure, I thought to myself this cat should be renamed Old Iron Insides. She’s my little fighter! But then the vet told me that the teeth were already loose and came out quite easily and that she was unable through x-ray and dental probe to find much of any jaw bone left. She then said the dreaded word, Cancer. It appears the swelling in her cheek on the left maxillary bone is a tumor and most likely oral squamous cell carcinoma, one of the most devastating feline cancers and where the survival rate past 12 months is less than 10%. Most cats live only 1 to 3 months if there are no radical surgical or treatment options available.... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: No, Michelle O is Not A Tranny and Did Not Kill Joan Rivers (Gasp!!)

  That’s it….call the paddywagon. Lock this man up in a padded-cell surrounded by white coats. He’s completely off the deep end at this point and almost to epic-Trumpian conspiracy spouting levels. Yes, that would be a one Alex Jones of Info Wars. He of the fear-peddling ass clown tribe of shenanigans that is best known for “9/11 was an inside job”,  the Jade Helm that turned out only to be the latest drag queen name, “Obama is a Vampire” and most recently, the “assassination” of Justice Scalia.  This week he stoops to total numb-nuts level by “revealing” that the Obamas may have killed Joan Rivers for exposing to the world that Michelle is actually a man who transitioned to a woman.  You see back in 2014, the racy, lovely and saucy Ms. Rivers made a joke that Michelle Obama was indeed packing heat and thus conspiracy nuts further elaborated that she had to protect her ability to use the women’s bathroom by putting an end to Rivers. Never mind that poor Joan died as a result of complications from an outpatient endoscopic surgery under the watch of a selfie-taking doctor. And here I thought that this was just the mind of a deranged man, but if you check out our friend Google, you will find many other “news” outlets circulating the same theory after Joan’s comments in 2014.   Listen folks, Michelle Obama has amazing arms and figure for her age. And let’s face it, women age a little differently than men. While men get the categorization of being “distinguished” as they get older, women are judged way more harshly. Even mommy tells me she leaves the house all dolled up and looking age- appropriate only to come home after a night out looking like a drag queen did her make up.  It’s hard being a women and even harder when you pass that 40 milestone. So, listen Alex Jones…… I realize that you attract a large following listening to your every absurd theory. Even I fall into that pool if for nothing but the sheer lunacy level of your entertainment. But dude, have you looked in a mirror lately? It’s safe to say that we will probably never see you in the women’s bathroom, so no worries there. Until next week, live it up all you beautiful older women! You are all fabulous.  Cheers – Little... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: Is the Illuminati Running Our Presidential Election?

  This is not a rhetorical question humans.  It’s clear that after 22 + Presidential candidates that only the Illuminati could be behind this final two. I mean seriously, we had a bazillion different choices and we are left with a choice between the New World Order or the New World Order. Or is this all a bunch of hooey? Probably, but we have stock now in Reynolds Wrap, so we have to promote tin foil every week.  If you follow the Illuminati conspiracy theorists, we already know they believe Hillary Clinton is an establishment candidate, not of the Democratic Party, but of the Illuminati. But what about Donald Trump? How do we explain his rise to popularity and to the Republican presumptive nominee through atrocious sound bites, flip flopping around conservative positions and brash and at times, offensive rhetoric? Because he is allegedly a Senior member of the Illuminati. So why run against his own party against another member? Is there a Civil War brewing between the Illuminati similar to the fractured Avengers?  One theory is that he may be going rogue after a fall out with the Bilderbergs. And now the big I is running scared of their Frankenstein’s monster. Initially using him for their own purposes in the business world, he’s now a pit bull off of his leash hell bent on destroying the old order through his political run. Why else would so many news outlets and Republican party members be so opposed to his nomination? Is it because his master plan is to end globalization which is ruining our existence? The jury is out on this one. But is Donald ultimately the world’s savior packaged in self-tanner and bird’s nest hair? Maybe so.  Another theory is that he is the main choice by the shadowy cabal to usher in Armageddon by unleashing his aggressive personality to piss off the world and into a planet-ending conflict. I don’t really buy that. There’s one thing about Donald; he loves being REALLY REALLY rich. It would be very hard to be REALLY REALLY rich with the world reduced to rubble. Or does he then hold the power and money to rebuild all the major cities? Imagine Trump Towers everywhere? Hmm. As a real estate mogul, this certainly may explain this screwy Louie theory.  Oh stop it Illuminati. I know you’re not real and all this is a bunch of malarkey. But similar to the Simpson’s foreshadowing of... read more

WeeeNN Sports: Kentucky Derby Preview

Ooops, just woke up from my cat nap in time to alert the feline world of the Derby Picks 2016. Not that its ANYSUDDENBREAKINGNEWS, but this years field is devoid of top cat references if you don’t stretch MO TOM, or MORE SPIRIT, or MOHAYMEN who are more like MO HOWARD…..I know that makes me an EXAGGERATOR who can’t OUTWORK most handicappers but here are the picks because TOM’S READY…   1.       CREATOR………Oh yea, like I’m gonna pick against GOD 2.       NYQUIST……….Even though it sounds like a sleep time medication 3.       GUNRUNNER..Got to include the second amendment in an election year 4.       LANI……………..Where you will find me, mint julip and kibbles in hand.   Enjoy the... read more

Tin Foil Tuesday: The Ted Cruz/Zodiac Killer Conspiracy

  The absurdity of the 2016 Presidential campaign continues. The latest mock conspiracy is that Ted Cruz may be the Zodiac Killer. This theory was lampooned at the Nerd Prom also known as the White Correspondent’s dinner when comedian Larry Wilmore devoted a whole set of jokes to this raging and comical conspiracy.     So how did this nonsensical conspiracy start? You guessed it, the crazy minds of Twitter users. Cruz gave a speech at the 2013 CPAC convention which he had titled, “This is the Zodiac speaking”. The tweet was passed around like a bong packed with medicinal stupidity. And from there it has been growing like a slow festering pimple that finally burst in the last month. If you are on Twitter, simply search for #ZodiacKiller  and be prepared to lose 10 minutes of your life you will never get back. But also be prepared to see some very creative nonsense theories and products (t-shirts) that have been borne. Well let’s look at the feasibility of this theory. The Zodiac Killer traipsed around Northern California in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s and was implicated in the killings of several dozens of people. Well, since Ted Cruz wasn’t born until December of 1970, I can only surmise that he was either a sinister serial killing fetus or he isn’t the real killer. Since many of the killings happened in 1968 and 1969 before he was even a twinkle in his mother’s eye, does that mean there’s the first ever evidence of homicidal sperm to blame for the killings?  And those sperm belonged to Rafael Cruz Sr who we examined 2 weeks ago may (but probably not) have had links to Lee Harvey Oswald who killed Kennedy? Jesus, this is getting trickier than 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. So did Rafael Cruz Sr’s sperm just implicate himself in the killings. Let’s see a photo of the Zodiac “sketch” and then look at Rafael Cruz Sr.  Oh my god, the resemblance is uncanny…..(presently hitting my head against a wall. Mommy is threatening me with a helmet).   I guess since they’ve never actually figured out who the real Zodiac killer actually was; Ted Cruz, homicidal sperm, or a little black and white tuxedo cat is plausible in conspiracy world. – Cheers, Little... read more