search
top

WeeeNN Election 2016: Super Tuesday Will Be YOOOOOOGE

  We are less than 24 hours away from the crown jewel of the primary season, Super Tuesday. For one or two candidates, it could truly be a super day cementing their lead(s) against any and all challenges. So we give our predictions state by state:        1). Texas- A whopping 155 delegates at stake Wee: Cruz wins his home state. Unlike Rubio and Kasich’s bid to win their prospective states, FL and OH.  Bean: Cruz, but Trump will finish close enough to make a dent in Cruz’s overall delegate count.  Little Man: I’m going with George Bush. What do you mean he’s not on the ballot?  2). Virginia Wee – Trump all the way Bean – Trump and a second place finish by Rubio. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.  Little Man: Thomas Jefferson. Make America great again and start over.  3). Georgia  Wee: Trump Trump Trump Bean: Trump with a second place finish by Rubio. Shampoo, rinse, repeat,  Little Man: Jimmy Carter. I’d take Jimmy Carter right now over this nonsense.  4). Massachusettes Wee: Trump. I don’t know how or why in that state, but Trump.  Bean: Trump, but second place John Kasich. Not sure why he’s still here, but he gets a few of Trump’s scraps.  Little Man: Mitt Romney. Can I get the former Governor to reconsider? Mittens, Mittens, Mittens! 5). Oklahoma Wee: I’m just gonna put Trump in all the rest of the states and save time.  Bean: Upset alert, Ted Cruz. Write that one down and take it to the bank.  Little Man: Ohhhhhhkklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. I’m going to go with a tornado this round. We have a political tornado sweeping through the plains.  6). Alabama Wee: The T word Bean: Trump is leading the polls by so much, that it’s not worth typing or contemplating anyone else challenging him there.  Little Man: Lynryd Skynyrd. Play some Skynyrd!!!!! 7). Tennessee Wee: Trump….a lump Bean: Agree, no brainer Little Man: Peyton Manning. Good ole Rocky Top, winning in the SEC!! Woot Woot 8). Arkansas Wee: Trump, next…… Bean: Don’t go against the odds. Trump Little Man: Bill Clinton. Go Governor Clinton. (at this point, we’ve taken away Little Man’s pen).  8). Vermont Wee: As went New Hampshire, so goes Vermont for Trump Bean: Trump again Little Man: Senator Bernie Sanders Wee: Little Man, you get zero points so far, but yes Bernie will win his home... read more

Fireside Chat with Wee: Economic Prosperity Is Doable

  I’ve been listening to these nutter candidates talk about economic plans that have no creative thought and in some cases, no plausibility. They’re either lowering taxes without addressing reduction of government spending or raising taxes to bloat the government to the size of Jabba the Hut. I put forth 3 economic policies that are totally outside the litter box.  1). Go Fund Me – for a donation from every American of $50.00 and assuming only 200,000,000 people donate would bring us $10 trillion dollars in revenue. For every illegal in this country employed, it would be $100 per person for a total of an additional $1.1 trillion dollars. That’s $11 trillion which would essentially more than halve the national debt. Do it 2 years in a row and we will wipe out the debt. But this taxpayer bailout of the government will come with conditions:  a). Government will commit to reducing itself and its spending by 30%. b). Congress will enact legislation on term limits. No more than 2 terms for Senators and 4 terms for Congress. You will not suckle on the teet of American tax payers for the rest of your life. You will be elected to SERVE and if you fail to do so, you are not guaranteed making it past the first term.  In exchange for the American people’s Go Fund Me, we will tell the federal government if they don’t work for the people, they can Go F*** Off. Mommy says I shouldn’t use foul language, but I reminded her it was ok for Trump and the former Mexican President to use it so I don’t care. You work for us fools. And we have a say in how our tax dollars are going to be spent going forward.  2) .National Lottery – We witnessed the utter insanity of the billion dollar Power Ball payout a few months ago. Create a National Lottery once a month. Can you imagine the prize on that one? The revenue from the lottery will go directly to funding a total rehab and mitigation of our ailing and pathetic infrastructure. I’m tired of hearing whiny titty babies in Washington complaining they don’t have money to give Uncle Sam a much needed extreme makeover. Ok, we found you money fools. Now get to work directing the monies to states for roads, bridges and energy upgrades.  3). Since I’m resigned to the fact that I won’t be winning the race... read more

WeeeNN Election 2016: Nevada and SC

  Saturday came and went with little surprise as Trump took SC and Hillary took Nevada. But Nevada, move to a primary please. Your caucus was a giant clusterfudge with confusion and chaos which no doubt benefited Hillary. So tomorrow is the Republicans turn in Nevada. Let’s hope it doesn’t look like the floor of the NYSE. And for the record Nevada voters, no one else besides Jeborah has dropped out. Don’t listen to any twitter nonsense tomorrow.  Wee: Trump will continue his trouncing of the field. I can’t even surmise who comes in second, but who cares? We are almost to Super Tuesday and unless another candidate presents a serious challenge to Trump in the next week, he will all but seal the deal. Hillary will win decidedly in South Carolina as Bernie has no chance there. Super Tuesday for the Dems will be a see saw. I might get dizzy and cough up a hairball.  Bean: Trump plays the odds and comes away giving the other candidate the craps in Nevada. Bernie will have to wait until Super Tuesday to make a play for some of the states he will do well in like Vermont and Minnesota. He still hasn’t caught fire in the southern states, so he will need some kerosene in order for people to Feel the Bern there.  Little Man: Trump/Hillary. Its a losing battle at this point. I will then be voting for Wee the write in candidate. Humans have no sense. I’m currently researching other countries that don’t have walls I can easily come in and out of to get scraps.  Scoreboard Wee: 4-0 Bean: 1.5-2 (I gave him a 1/2 point for correctly picking Kasich’s 2nd place finish) Little Man: 1-4  Next week is Super Tuesday and a total nightmare to pick the winners. We will consult the Vegas odds and then throw a dart while blindfolded. It should be good, but more importantly, the path to the White House may be a lot clearer next week. Will it be Trump scorched earth? Will Marco Rubio rise on the backs of key endorsements? Will Bernie give us free kibble? Stay... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: Antonin Scalia Was Assassinated?

  First, my rant. Oh sweet jeebus people. Within 3 hours of this man’s passing,  you had Republicans and Democrats fighting over his replacement while his body was still warm. This is a man who was someone’s husband, someone’s father and someone’s grandfather. He was an intelligent, larger than life person who brought vitality, humor, controversy and debate to the Supreme Court. I didn’t always agree with dissents or his arguments, but they were always carefully crafted and very well thought out arguments. To have treated his death like a war call for your respective political parties was a new low in this country. But I digress. Decency and respect left this country a long time ago.  Now we have “conspiracy theories” floating around that Scalia may not have died of natural causes. A rancher that found his body indicated that he was found with a pillow over his face, but then later clarified that the pillow was against the headboard and that he looked like he had a peaceful night’s sleep. I hope this “rancher” wasn’t Cliven Bundy. That didn’t stop conservative radio shows and the king of all tin foil hats, Alex Jones from raising the theory that maybe his peaceful drift to the afterlife was not so peaceful at all. Please. When mommy wants to sleep in on her days off, she uses a pillow over her eyes to block out the light. But she can’t block out my incessant meows for breakfast, so I climb on the pillow and lay down. Nap time is soon over shortly after that.  Jones goes on to theorize that Obama had him killed because he knew hours before anyone else did. Really? The judge who blocked the autopsy was allegedly accused of a prior murder cover-up. Ok, what judge hasn’t been implicated in some sort conspiracy theory? They are delivering justice and people do not always agree with the final decisions. Plus, it was the family’s wishes that he not undergo an autopsy. He was 79 and had a myriad of health conditions. He goes on to say that Scalia was Obama’s roadblock to his ultimate climate change agenda, so he had to take him out. Ok then…..  My take? He wasn’t poisoned. He wasn’t smothered with a pillow. How many fat people do you see make it to age 80? Right? Not very many. Good for Nino to make it this long while enjoying life to the fullest.... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesdays: The Zika Virus Conspiracy

  Get out your bug spray people, because the Zika virus will be spreading like peanut butter on a piece of bread. Although its only been a week since the World Health Organization rang the alarm bells, the conspiracy nuts have crawled out of the ground like an army of zombies ready to audition for the Walking Dead.    So what do we know about the Zika virus? First, its spread by mosquito bites. 1 in 5 people will become ill, but even so, it’s not like Ebola. There’s no real chance of death or explosive diarrhea or vomiting. The big risk of Zika? Birth defects. There are several countries in Central and South America advising women not to get pregnant for 2-3 years to avoid risk of microcephaly or babies born with tiny shrunken heads. It’s a devastating condition that causes developmental issues and serious medical conditions like seizures and hearing/vision loss.  So how did this virus start? Some conspiracy hounds are already on the trail with some bizarre theories:    1). GMO. C’mon this is our new favorite blame all excuse. These mosquitoes were genetically modified in a lab and then released in Brazil where they were doing trials. Who’s doing this? Oxitec, a company that genetically modified the squits to carry a genetic trait that would not allow them to live in future generations without exposure to tetracycline. You know the antibiotic kids use to control zits? So we are genetically modifying mosquitoes that will die without acne medication, but in the interim its spreading a disease that will prevent people from having kids. So they won’t get acne? Ok then. Let’s move on.    2). This was an actual title, “Rockefeller Monkey Experiments/Illuminati”. Oh go on……..Apparently we’ve had the Zika virus here since 1947 and it was created in a “secret” Rockefeller lab. Oh and that you can buy it online now. But not like Amazon Prime. You have to actually be a scientist…..or maybe a terrorist, which brings us to question along with number 1 above, was this a biological weapon unleashed on the people to study the effects and our capability to manage another pandemic? It’s interesting if this is just a “test” of things to come.   3). Population Control, Vaccines and Bill Gates?  Population control makes sense. So let’s scare the public into not having babies for awhile. Maybe they can bring back Bob Barker to advertise population control. 2-3 years... read more

« Previous Entries

top