WeeeNN 2016: Republicans, Republicans, Republicans

Listening to the pre-game show is like listening to mommy’s drunk friends sitting around at happy hour talking about nonsense. CNBC c’mon. You’re better than this.  And now the intros……..Is this a debate or an SNL skit, kitty confused.  Its time for the job interview. What’s your biggest weakness:  Kasich ignores the question and says the other candidates kinda suck. Touts his record.  Huckabee is flawless, but his wife will give them an earful. He lives by the rules and apparently that’s a weakness.  Bush is impatient and probably because of his sucky poll numbers. He is also angry apparently.  Rubio thinks being optimism is a weakness? lol Trump is too trusting and when people let him down, he will torch them.  Carson’s weakness is that he doesn’t see himself as President. Wee don’t see it either Ben. We like you, but dial down crazytown.  Carly doesn’t smile enough. And needs to fire her colorist for that pumpkin spice hair.  Cruz is too agreeable and easy going. Laughs…He is too argumentative. Don’t grab a beer with him. He’s a lightweight.  Christie thinks the Democrats are weak…not him.  Paul ignores the question as well. C’mon your biggest weakness is that you’re not your Dad!! RON PAUL, RON PAUL!! Trump admonishes the host for not having a nice question about his questionable plans for a wall, tax cuts, etc. He already said earlier this debate is gonna be UNFAIR! CNBC debate monitor calls him a flapping bird. Bush piles on Trump.  Carson’s flat tax math is not gonna work according to debate host. Not at 10%, not at 15%. He then goes on to talk about cutting government sub agencies. Would have to cut government by 40%. Damn these debate monitors are tough.  Kasich had strong words about the other top candidates. Had only experience balancing a budget. Only one has a plan that’s realistic. Give everyone a chicken from Boston Market! Yay chicken for all! thinks all other candidates tax plans are fantasyland. Pick me! Pick me! Trump says Kasich is doing well because of Fracking and was at Lehman Brothers and almost took down the country so there! Says he’s at the bottom of the well because his poll numbers suck. Kasich touts energy plan in Ohio that brought them back from the dead like Lazarus. Trump/ Kasich fight, awesome. I have no idea what Ben is talking about now.  Cruz touts tax plan released today on his website.... read more

Wee’s Funniest Internet Search: Edition 2

About every 6 months or so, we go back and look to see what people searched on the internet that led them to our website. And there are some wacky searches. Our most popular searches came from anything related to Jade Helm, including Chuck Norris, Tin Foil Hats and alien invasions. This go round, we found some funny ones too. So here we go…….   1). People searching for Pee Wee Herman generated a few hits to our site. PeeWee Herman What Ear? Pee Wee What What?  2). Scandal Mommy – Ahem…..I will have to ask mommy about that one. But not sure how that person then ended up here. Unless mommy has a secret…..or appeared on the TV show Scandal. She was once in an independent movie playing a dead woman and played it so well I thought I’d never get kibble again.  3). Obama is not Illuminati but something worse……I guess it depends upon who you talk to….but they ended up here at WeeeNN so I guess it’s true.  We cover the Illuminati a lot so…… 4). Pope Revelations False Prophet. Yup we covered that one too during Tin Foil Hat Tuesday when he was patrolling the US on his tour. So lots of people out there truly believe the Pope may be the king of End Times. We think Francis is the King of Awesome though.  5). And the funniest fo’ sho’ – “Is Donald Trump gonna bring slavery back?” – WTF????? Seriously how do you google or bing that and it takes you to our site? While Donald is a constant source of entertainment, speculation and comedy for us, we certainly never put those two ideas together ever in our blogs.  Humans what is wrong with you???????... read more

Fireside Chat with Wee: Jim Webb Should Join the Kibble Party

Sensible and all around nice guy, Jim Webb, was the first candidate to drop out of the Democratic primary race amidst a dismal debate performance where he spent most of the time looking like a size 10 foot being crammed into a size 6 shoe. We had high hopes for Jim. After all, he was the only candidate of the billion or so that are running that received a quasi endorsement from all three members of the Kibble Party (right, centre and left). He was the one we could all agree to compromise on as he offered some of the best attributes from both sides of the political aisle.    But alas, it was never meant to be. But we hear that Mr. Webb may consider extending his Presidential run as an Independent. Maybe we can convince him to take up the Kibble torch? That’s right folks, there is a true political war on moderates, common sense, practicality and independents. There is no longer room in either party for moderates.    Jim – if you’re out there, know that you’re just like us. Our parties have left us too. But we won’t sit around and cry into our Fancy Feast. No, we forge ahead trying to debate and discuss COMMON SENSE solutions for this country. You are welcome at the Kibble Party Jim Webb. RIP Jim Webb the Democrat Candidate. ... read more

Tin Foil Hat Tuesday: Stay Away From The Denver Airport!

Don’t travel to the Denver airport people as it was clearly constructed for insidious purposes. Like travel and getting in and out of Denver to warmer destinations in the winter. And skiers flying in every winter for their Wide World of Sports tumble down the mountain moment and epic hot tub parties.    But it’s odd appearance and strange art work and statues have given rise to several conspiracy theories. For example, there is a menacing 32 foot tall statue of a red-eyed horse that killed the sculptor when it fell on him severing an artery. This was clearly an omen people.     Then you have art work depicting devils jumping out of a suitcase and a statue of Anubis, the god of death. Good god, is this Halloween Horror nights or a major international airport of the West?  Thank god they have 2 Quiznos inside to throw people off the scent of evil and onto the scent of horrible subs. So here’s a few theories that have cropped up over the years.   1). It was built by a Neo Nazi New World Order Group. No, the skinheads have not teamed up with the famed 80’s progressive band to build an airport. That would truly be a “Bizarre Love Triangle” (ba dum dum). “Theorists” believe this to be true because there are several markers indicating that it was built by the “The New World Airport Group”. So this clearly has some basis in the New World Order, right? But why throw in Nazi’s? Oh apparently when you look at aerial photos of this monstrosity really hard for like 2 minutes without blinking, you might see evidence of a swastika. I totally saw it in 10 seconds people, so this is totally real. But since the swastika originated in the Hindu religion as a peaceful symbol, perhaps this is to alert the aliens overhead that this is the appropriate place to land your ET ship.    2). It’s the Illuminati’s Headquarters. After all, there are several Masonic plaques throughout the airport including one with a compass signal which is Illuminati all the way. Plus they went 2 billion over budget because they had to complete building the Illuminati Headquarters below the airport. And it’s probably spectacular and houses a cafeteria, a gym and a ping pong table.    3). It’s hiding fall out shelters for the world leaders in case of the apocalypse. But I thought about it... read more

WeeeNN 2016: Democratic Debate Recap Hour One

And they’re off, the 5 horse is out to a quick lead, followed by the 2 and the 3…Oops. Mommy says stop pretending you’re calling the 5th race at Calder and get to work! Ok then, here we go Intros:  Sheryl Crow kicks off the National Anthem with a pitchy performance dawg. But she still looks amazing for a 50 something….. Lincoln Chafee: He looks British. Or possibly Aussie. He’s transpartisan as he went from a Republican to an Independent to a Democrat.  Jim Webb: Talks like a character from King of the Hill. Has gubment service and private sector service. Big on Veterans yay! Big on criminal reform yay! Has a litter of children. Webb administration will fight for the working people. Yay! Martin O’Malley: Former mayor of Baltimore, Governor of Maryland. Has a litter of children. Says Obama is not a magician. Needs more work. Middle class is shrinking like mommy’s new cotton shirt. Stop saddling kids with college debt. Pick Me! Pick Me! Bernie Sanders: Middle class is disappearing, working longer for lower wages. We are all working for the MAN. Campaign finance system is whack. Climate Change is real bitches. Transform energy away from fossil fuels and stop wrecking the planet like a rock star wrecking a room at the Ritz. Mobilize and take the gubment back from billionaires.  Clinton: She been working out? A little botox? Grandma Clinton’s polished look has distracted me from anything she is saying. blah blah blah. Raise minimum wage, make tax system fair and close loopholes. The wealthy have to pay more, including the Clintons. We need paid family leave. Covers all the bases.  Clinton asked about her flip flops. Says she likes the Crocs brand the best. Cooper says he meant for political expedience. Now she’s a progressive. Was a moderate last month. God Crocs is coming out with some nice shoes.  Sanders defends the word socialist and actually defines it so it doesn’t sound like total Pol Pot communism. I doubt Saudi Arabia has paid maternity leave. Wants us to be Denmark. Has population of like 20. Has the delivery of Doc from Back to the Future. Won’t answer if he is not a capitalism.  Hillary butts in about small business and saving capitalism from itself. Bernie fights back and says you can have all of the growth you want in small/medium business but it still goes to the top 1%.  Chafee calls Hillary out on flip... read more

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