Santa Baby Hurry Up and Bring Me Some Hooch

So much news people. My head is spinning faster than Linda Blair’s in the Exorcist. Speaking of the Exorcist, it’s apparent our house has been ransacked by demons that have dismantled the Christmas tree this year. And by demons, I’m referring to myself, Mr. Bean and Little Man. There’s too many distractions in that tree from the needles, the shiny balls, bows and flashing lights. Well there were no flashing lights until Little Man chewed through one of the wires. Deck the balls with paws of jolly, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha……….. Wee on the Sony’s pulling of “The Interview” after hackers threatened a 9/11 style attack: Seriously? We are going to pull a movie over hackers that are probably only capable of mounting a 7/11 style attack? North Korea apparently has 1800 Cyber Warriors who have shown to be formidable by hacking a major corporation and distributing lots of dirty details. But do they have the capability to hijack planes and crash them into movie theatres in all cities and all 50 states on Christmas? Please. Memo to Sony, as requested by me over Twitter, please release the movie via on demand and on Christmas. It will take those hackers a few weeks to get to the cable companies. I would like everyone in America to buy and watch it in solidarity against this first amendment terror attack. Even if the movie was terribly reviewed. This is a protest viewing. If that doesn’t happen, I command Americans to watch either Team America: World Police or Red Dawn (the newshitty version starring Thor). BTW – mommy asked what the hell a 7/11 style attack was? I told her its exactly what it sounds like. People rob them everyday. Wee on the US softening relations with Cuba: It’s about damn time. The Cold War is long since over (at least with Cuba) and the Castro brothers either have one foot or both feet (if your Fidel) in the grave. Time to change the narrative folks. If it doesn’t work? Cuba goes back to the bad list with sanctions and embargo continues forever. Cuban people desperately need reforms and opening up economic potential could turn them into the next “faux” communist country like China or Vietnam. I get it Cuban-Americans. Castro destroyed many lives with his brutal regime. But human rights violations do not stop the US from engaging in diplomatic relations with the following countries; China, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Russia, Egypt….I could go on.The Cuban people could benefit from the softening of the embargo... read more

Protecting Your Sausage from Bacon

My goodness….look at the time people, it’s almost Christmas. And I haven’t started my shopping as of yet nor decided what I will bestow on mommy this year. Last year I gave her a gecko. It wasn’t really alive, but it was really cute in its Weekend at Bernie’s state. I even gave it a British voice and watched as mommy went from confused to horrified by my actions. Perhaps I will think grander this year. I’m on my A game now. Let’s see what’s going on in the world this week people…… Wee on the Senate Intelligence Committee release of that blasted CIA Torture Report: I’m torn on this one. While I advocate for transparency in government, there are times I really just don’t want to know what we do out there. It’s like being a mob wife. You love the riches, the parties, the glamour, the gaudy jewelry and makeup, endless botox, but you don’t really want to revel in how it comes from Joey Bagadonuts’ cement shoe business. Is torture as a means to an end justifiable? I’m not so sure that torture, even when it’s labeled as “Justifiable” is any more or less better or moral than what our enemies do to us. If it helped protect our national security and yielded valuable information to allow us to shut down terror cells, then maybe you can argue it was a viable strategy. But it does not sound like that the end result was what we thought it would be. And now it doesn’t matter because we have a whole new network of batshit crazy jihadists even more rabid than the last lot. Torture does not appear to be a deterrent to the behavior. If anything, only incites more hatred against the US. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. US intervenes where it doesn’t belong, appears shocked when struck back by those who spent decades in stewing resentment over our intervention. We respond through torturing and retaliation. Opposition in turn morphs into shiny new Transformer. Do I sound like a non-interventionist? Because it sure seems like we’d be a hell of a lot better economically and morally without getting into incessant conflicts and wars. First it was stopping the spread of communism, and then stopping the spread of terrorism. Next we will be stopping the talking apes from revolting and taking over the planet. The first ape that talks is a goner. The first cat that talks will be elected to Congress. I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about anymore. Mommy said stay on task. In terms... read more

Turkey Leftovers SUCK

I’m a little behind in my writing, but I am still recovering from all of the Thanksgiving hullabaloo. My break was good and I got to spend quality time with mommy and my siblings. I even broke with my normal aloof behavior to sit on mommy’s lap on 3 consecutive days. By the third day, mommy asked whether or not she should see a doctor as I might be one of those cats at the nursing home that can detect when someone is going to kick the bucket and thus decides to point out to the nurses which one of their dead pool picks is coming to fruition. I advised her I have no medical detection abilities and that my “cat scan” did not show anything serious other than a need for her to have a lobotomy. I was just being thankful. And with that, here are the things I am thankful for this year: 1). Kibble and canned food. 2). Dry residence with multiple cat scratch stations that I ignore in favor of the pleather ottoman. 3). Siblings that love me and understand their rank below me in the hierarchy. 4). A laptop that I can use to express my views and freak out Little Man with noises from cat videos on You Tube. 5). A mommy that lets me express my sometimes absurd views with a mere eyeroll and a “whatever Wee”. 6). Stupid people. Without them this blog would not exist. 7). Stupid politicians. See item 6. The seeds of my discontent and funny bone. 8). The new cat nip plant. I’ve gone organic finally. Biggest turkeys of the year? How do you choose just one? How about a turkey farm instead? Here’s who’s on the reservation and should’ve been carved and served at Thanksgiving. Vladimir Putin, Ray Rice, Roger Goodell, Adrian Peterson, the adult chap stuck in a child’s high chair in hotel lobby, the man who turned his amputated leg into a lamp, Bill Cosby, Justin Bieber, Ebola, Donald Sterling, Oscar Pistorius, Man who beat girlfriend with a McChicken sandwich, The Secret Service, General Motors, the people that made those bad airbags with shrapnel, Congress, McDonalds, Kanye West, The Polar Vortex, ISIL, All political ads for Charlie Crist and Rick Scott and I Frankenstein. Did anyone actually sit through that garbage? Until next week when we resume our regularly scheduled nonsense of dissection of the world……………Peace,... read more