News of the Wee: Cornering the Market on Crazy

The week is nearing the end and so is my patience for some reason. There is so much silliness going on in the world, that I’m going to ban all publications of news for one week and focus solely on staring at the fake plant in the hallway. I’m growing more concerned that mommy will die from Ebola and we will be left with no kibble or home. She wouldn’t even be fit to eat if that happens. If that doesn’t happen, I am afraid that mommy will die of a stroke after watching five minutes of the new Sarah Palin channel. Either way, I hope to god she has provisions in the will for care of us. News people now! Wee on Ray Rice’s two game suspension after punching his fiance unconscious in an elevator. Congratulations NFL. You have taken over the NBA in allowing thuggish behavior to flourish within the operation like it did under commissioner Stern. Goodell should have suspended Rice for a full season. No good is going to come out of this. We’ve seen this before. It starts with a few slaps or punches and sometimes it ends with a white Bronco chase that interrupts the NBA finals. He needs real help and in the NFL and all it’s bravado and testosterone, I just don’t see it happening. Smoke a little nip to chill out and get a 4 game suspension. Punch out your girlfriend or wife, eh….two games (and we’ll make sure they are during the weeks they play the Lions or Browns). No big deal. I want to know how many games I’ll get suspended for a PAWSMACK. Wee on Sarah Palin’s new “channel” that you can subscribe to for the monthly bargain of $9.95. I don’t think you can put a price on crazy. I will totally pay for this and I will totally watch it until I’m conditioned. It will be like a “Clockwork Orange” for mommy. It’s better than Bravo and any of the Housewives of “INSERT CRAZY”. I just want to know what the channel will be called: CNC – Crazy News CenterBSCN – Bat Shit Crazy NewsCASRN – Crazy as a Sprayed Roach NewsAAN – Alaska Anarchy NetworkNNN – Narcissist News Network I apologize to any fans of Sarah Palin. I get that she’s folksy and relatable and was at one time, quite attractive in comparison to old white curmudgeons. She’s one of my all time faves... read more

Wee Doesn’t Know Her Fairy Tales

I spend too much time reading about current events that I have failed to master anything by Hans Christian Anderson, Aesop or Mother Goose. Mommy tried to get me to name certain fairy tales. Let’s just say, I need to branch out a bit. Mommy: Snow White and the…..Wee: Annoying little midgets except Doc. Poor guy. They ran out of emotions when they got to him. Mommy: Hansel and…..Wee: Greta Van Susteren Mommy: Jack and the ….Wee: Rose from Titanic Mommy: Three Billy….Wee: Graham’s goats? Mommy: ok,,let’s try this one. The Three Little ….Wee: Countries that make up the axis of evil; Iran, N. Korea and the country formerly known as Iraq but soon to be a symbol like Prince once had.Mommy: Wee you are not even trying. Mommy: Sleeping……Wee: pills make mommy sleep walk and eat cheeseburgers.Mommy: Seriously Wee? Mommy: Let’s try a few more. Jack and….Wee: Diane….little ditty…he he he. Mommy: The Emperor’s New….Wee: Executive Order.Mommy: Are you watching Fox News now Wee?Wee: I have to prepare for Palin’s new channel. Mommy walked away shaking her head. I got to take her spot on the couch. She loves... read more

News of the Wee: People Deserving of a STFU Award

After a week away, I feel a bit refreshed. I also feel a growing anger inside my feline body. The past two weeks have shown some atrocious human behavior. As such, today I will hand out my awards to the person(s) that have invoked the most ire of the Wee. For their time and efforts, they will receive Wee’s cup of STFU. For those of you not familiar with this acronym, I highly recommend google. Wee has a reputation to maintain and while cursing is occasionally part of my kitten charm, I refuse to release the F bomb (unlike other countries/persons). Award #1: Ted Cruz. Wee has had enough of his nonsense. Officially. And here’s his gem of a quote on the FAA’s temporary ban of flights into Tel Aviv following a bomb that landed a mile from the airport. “President Obama has just used a federal regulatory agency to launch an economic boycott on Israel, in order to try to force our ally to comply with his foreign-policy demands.” Are you that *EXPLETIVE* dumb? The FAA’s decision to temporary halt flights until they had further information concerning the little bomb that was not intercepted by Israel’s famed “iron dome” would raise a little concern for safety of US citizens. Especially in light of what happened in the Ukraine last week. This is risk management 101. You don’t put American lives at risk in another country’s war zone. Do we want to risk a major catastrophe of American lives? Do we want to risk a major catastrophe of an American airline whose business would be decimated as a result of knowingly flying into a dangerous area without further investigation? And to suggest that Obama is able to pick up the phone and dictate policy to the FAA to politically “punish” an ally is not only patently false, but dangerous rhetoric to an already divisive situation. Seriously Ted, STFU already. We get that you have presidential aspirations and an ego that rivals the size of Texas. But STFU Grandpa Munster. Award #2: Michael Bloomberg. Who let this dictator midget have a platform again? Your stunt of flying into Tel Aviv despite the FAA temporary ban was bad form. First, you flew in on an Israeli airliner that has a missile defense system and the best security of any airline in the world. Would you have felt the same way flying into Tel Aviv on Delta where your only defense system... read more

News of the Wee: Who the Hell Does That?

I hope everyone survived the apocalypse that was the 4th of July. For me,  9 straight hours of mortar shells going off, but luckily the house was still intact at the end. Not that mommy was home or cared or anything. I think she was out getting her own bomb on while we suffered through endless rebel conditions. News a bit slower this week. I’ll blame the holiday. And this disastrous new lamp I just knocked off the table and broke chasing Little Man…OOPS. Wee on the endless speculation of Lebron James returning to Cleveland. Seriously people? We need to talk. This is the only athlete in the history of pro athletes that had his own 1 hour Televised special toying with the fragile emotions of Cleveland sports fans. He culminated his knighting by taking a big dump on the fans at the end by announcing he was leaving for greener pastures in Miami. Who the hell does that? There have been a lot of treasonous athletes that have left Cleveland (or so mommy says), but I can’t think of any reason, desperate or otherwise, that fans would want that asshat back. And if you do, you are suffering from battered housewife syndrome (an actual logical analogy Palin). Plus now he will be 30. But yet, it will probably happen…and he will probably get an early season old ass man injury… and the depression continues in Ohio. ….PAWSMACK Wee on Brazil’s unceremonious megaloss in their very own World Cup: Way to go Brazilian players. Your country has spent bazillion of dollars in preparation for the World Cup and at the expense of the excessive poverty and economic problems in your country. You could’ve at least fought for a draw. Now, you have no championship and 12 lousy stadiums. Only 2 of which will probably ever be used again. BOOOO. Go Argentina….Lionel Messi speaks to cats telepathically. He said they will win. Wee on the Gaza Strip I’d rather not be on it. Seriously, this could be the start of WWIII. I would rather see the zombie apocalypse start than be caught on “the strip” right now. Right now, any involvement by the US would be the equivalent of sticking your hand in between two fighting pit bulls. Who the hell does that? Wee a bit concerned about the Middle East right now. Been taking extra nip hits to reduce my growing anxiety. Wee on the increasing humanitarian crisis on... read more

Wee Debates Mr. Bean Over the Hobby Lobby Decision

The most prominent news story this week has certainly been the controversial SCOTUS decision on Hobby Lobby’s rejection of certain ACA provisions concerning contraception. Mommy told me not to get involved in the public’s debate, so I’ve decided to debate the issue with Mr. Bean and highlight the good and bad on both sides. I don’t think there is a right or a wrong answer on this issue. All viewpoints on either side have valid points: We flipped a coin and Mr. Bean gets to take his position first. And with that, I hand to the floor to the old black cat: Mr. Bean In favor of Hobby Lobby: ACA mandate to employers for coverages they morally object to….Disagree. Government overreach should not force an employer to provide health care coverages which violate their moral beliefs. Period. I have and always have had an issue with employer mandates to begin with and the government should stay out of the way of companies and how they choose to run them. Including what type of benefits should be provided. They did not choose to eliminate coverage of all birth control, only 4 deemed to be abortifacient; namely the morning after pills and the IUD. If you feel your beliefs are at odds with your employer, find another company that is a better fit for you. You’ll be happier in the long run anyway. I hear Michael’s is hiring. Finally, if you don’t want the health insurance provided by your employer, there’s this new thing called the healthcare exchange. You’ve heard of it, right? You can get whatever coverage you want free from anyone’s control or direction. The black cat rests. Wee against the Hobby Lobby ruling: But at what point, does abortifacient cross the line into abortifascism? Of the 3 pills involved and what appears to be a small metal telephone pole that’s inserted into the uterus; all prevent implantation of an egg to the lining of the uterus. This is, in effect, exactly what birth control is intended to do. I can see RU-486 being very objectionable because it actually causes abortion, but manipulating hormones or the lining of the uterus is contraception and not abortion. 80% of fertilized eggs never attach themselves to the uterus under normal circumstances. Are we going to label that life begins now at your first menstruation and egg release? While I don’t think the ruling and what the Hobby Lobby was asking for was... read more