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News of the Wee: The Right To Bare Arms

On this very special edition of News of the Wee, we tackle the elephant in the room. It seems like once a week now there is a mass shooting perpetrated by a angry young male. Mommy and I sat down to have a discussion about possible solutions to this ongoing problem in the US. Wee: Ban gun sales. Mommy: This is not plausible in the least. It’s a constitutional right to bear arms. Wee: If I had bear arms, I would pick you up and lock you in a closet for a day. Mommy: Bear Arms Wee Wee: Oh so in this country, as a woman, you have the right to wear short sleeve T-shirts and tank tops. Men have the right to wear wife beaters? Mommy: Well you have a point there, we don’t live under Sharia Law therefore, I do have the right to bare arms. But Wee, it means to have guns. Wee: Oh, ok then. I see then. So constitutionally protected because when they wrote it 200 + years ago they had to fend off the British Invasions, the Indians and wild animals to stay alive. Mommy: Yes Wee. But today we have similar issues that require our rights to protect ourselves. Mostly from ourselves though. Wee: Then lock up the wackos Mommy: That’s a pretty broad definition Wee. Where do you start? Wee: Well, the NSA should stop looking through your phone filled with cat photos and concentrate more on efforts to target delusional young males on the internet who are posting veiled and sometimes not so veiled threats. It’s no different than terrorists abroad, except that homeboy chatter is pretty much out in the open and yet we do nothing. Target those and round them up and put them on an island where they are free to become Lord of the Flies. It will be like Survivor except only one actually ends up living. Mommy: The ACLU is going to knock on your door soon Wee, but you bring up a good point. There needs to be a shift in how the problem is addressed. If you take away guns, they will just use something else. Look at China and Japan. No guns, so now there are waves of mass stabbings. Wee: Yes, they have young angry males also. Maybe the solution is to take them all to the Bunny Ranch for a convention. Mommy: (Shaking head). I kind of see the logic.... read more

News of the Wee: Insider Trading

Well last weekend was my birthday and mommy bought me my very own kitten. She says now I can leave old Mr. Bean alone and can focus my attention on this tiny little rat that she brought. He’s a funny little man. He already took to stealing a pork chop on a dinner plate like an skanky alley cat. He has no dinner manners. I will train him though….with my paws. Its that time of the week folks. Let’s see what’s newsworthy or rather, what’s worthy of Wee’s time. Wee on the blockbuster trade of 5 Taliban Gitmo detainees for 1 possible disgruntled US Soldier Bergdahl held as a POW in Afghanistan: Ladies and gentleman, we just brought home our very own Sargent Nicholas Brody (for you Homeland fans).. He’s been in captivity (and not killed in a violent jihadist video) since 2009 and rumors are that he was detained so long he is having trouble speaking English. Some reports suggest he was becoming a conscientious objector to the ways of our military campaigns prior to his disappearance (or abandonment of post). I’m gonna reserve my rights and thoughts on this one given the little information we have and that has already been distorted and politicized by the media and Congress. Will this be the wave of the future? Hostage trading much like Major Baseball. What did the US get? One low to mid level disgruntled Sargent in exchange for 5 Taliban leaders and a terrorist to be named later? It sounds more like an unbalanced Cleveland Indians trade to the New York Yankees to me. We will see. Regardless, if this is the wave of the future, we need a better GM. I like this trade better; one US solider for 5 Taliban Members with free trip to Heaven and 15 male terrorist virgins. Plane leaves from Qatar tomorrow. First Class all the way! Wee on Russian Jet buzzing a US Air Force jet over Japan: Welcome back Cold War. We missed you. It’s been awhile since the US has been challenged by another “superpower” to keep itself in line and to hopefully bring back nationalism. I realize you have not fully regained your previous superpower status, but good try nonetheless. I realize that many Russians, including Tootin Putin are stuck in the 1980′s, thus I understand the Top Gun reference in your actions above. Highway to the Danger Zone. Short takes and shortcakes: Wee on dog that... read more

News of the Wee: This Kiss, This Kiss

After my short hiatus, namely because mommy is now hiding her tablet from me, I am back and ready to objectively review the news. And by objectively, I mean subjectively. I will invent a new word like Gwyneth Paltrow and call it objectively subjective to describe my blogging. Lots going on peeps, let’s see what’s up. Wee on fires in San Diego: Anytime a fire is so bad it sparks a firenado, we know that there’s not much time before there will be proof of Sharknado. I predict sometime in 2015, the Sharknado will emerge to cause destruction somewhere in Southern California. Much love to people in San Diego who are threatened by or who have already lost their homes. Gut wrenching to watch. A really lovely city too. Wee on Donald Sterling allegedly refusing to pay the $2.5 million dollar fine from the NBA. And so it begins, a man with seemingly nothing to lose at this point and likely a skeleton closet filled with the bones of other owners’ and player’s secrets, it could be a rough go for the NBA. Those skeletons would be wise to just go ahead and pay their mistresses 2.5 million now to avoid scandal. Wee on the Michael Sams kiss: Really? Is this news? A man showing his emotion to another human being he loves expressing gratitude for achieving a milestone in his career? Finally an athlete who won’t knock up half the population of cities with professional teams. An athlete not likely to murder his wife or other dozens of other innocent people. Michael Sams is really just gay Tim Tebow. An earnest, hard working man who will not likely last long in the NFL. Mommy just informed me it’s Michael Sam and that Michael Sams was actually a notorious English rapist and kidnapper. My apologies for any confusion this may have caused readers. Karl Rove on allegations that Hillary Clinton suffered from brain damage. He who smelt it dealt it. MRI brain results are conclusive that Rove is definitely suffering from short man’s delusions. In a media era where you can basically make up shit and it becomes gospel to sheep, I’m gonna put it out there; Obama is in secret talks with goats to turn the US into a communist state. Really people? Turn off Fox and MSNBC and start reading. Stop listening to polarized talk radio that puts out more conspiracy theories than a schizophrenic off their... read more

News of the Wee: The Basketball Diaries

Dear diary, I have been a very good girl this week putting up with mommy’s nonsense. She seems to think, that like a dog, I enjoy going to other people’s homes to visit. I do like some of the places that have sliding glass doors where I can stare at lizards and random riff-raff and trash parading through the neighborhood. I prefer my own domain though. So if you find some random scratches and bite marks on the ottoman or a random snickers bar hidden in a strategic location (forcing you to play Marco Polo to find it), please understand this is my passive aggressive way of letting you know to just let me be in my own habitat. Love, Wee (The Queen) Let’s check out the news people….. Wee on Donald Sterling’s taped racist rant, banning from NBA and likely forced sale of his beloved Clippers. Up until this year, I forgot the Clippers were still a professional team. Really, does anyone care about the Clippers in LA anyway when you have the esteemed Laker’s franchise? Playing the Clippers for many years was the equivalent of the Harlem Globe Trotters playing the Sisters of Charity grade school team. The Clippers were awful. God awful. While I do not condone or agree with his views, he is just another 80 year old white man with ingrained views on race and the world. In this day and age, should we really be surprised by his comments? What really brought him down though was his attraction to younger women with addictions to plastic surgery. Have you seen her face? She might be the daughter of the infamous “cat lady” from NYC (see photo below). Her desire to bring down the man who pretty much funded her lifestyle in an effort to avoid her own litigation woes from the missus makes for another routine (read yawn) divorce drama. And now she’s parading around with a giant welder’s visor to hide her face. I need one of those. Really what bothers me about this story is that he was taped without his consent or knowledge. Wee is a big believer in right to free speech. Particularly, when you are in your own domain and expressing your own beliefs and views (even if your views are idiotic and repugnant). When your privacy is illegally infringed upon and results in your personal ruin, I have a problem with that. This country has become obsessed with... read more

Word Association: NBA

Since the NBA playoffs are in full force and in full scandal, mommy decided to play word association using the names of several NBA franchises. I did not choose to play along with her reindeer games today. It’s ok though, she never gets mad, so I will continue to play the push the envelope game. Which I appear to be triumphant yet again. ClippersWee: Silver pointy things that makes dogs bald. CavaliersWee: A group of people who don’t give a shit CelticsWee: Men playing bag pipes with skirts and no underwear PacersWee: Expectant fathers of strange women they knocked up pre-DNA test. MavericksWee: Formerly cool but now bat shit crazy actor from Top Gun RocketsWee: What Mr. Bean leaves behind in the litter box NuggetsWee: What Wee leaves behind in the litter box RaptorsWee: When the big beam comes down and sucks you up in the sky and all the bad people left die from locusts and syphilis. Mommy: That’s the Rapture Wee. And I don’t recall anything about syphilis.Wee: I have a slight lisp, piss off I’m a cat. MagicWee: The amazing feat of my disappearing for hours only to reappear when I hear kibble being poured. And yes I hear you calling me all damn day woman. (blows on talons) Heat Wee: When I used to shake my milkshake in the yard attracting all the Tomcats while making the most annoying screeching sound on the planet. I was the town pump.Mommy: Shakes her headWee Wiggles her bottom and attacks Mr.... read more

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