Wee Mishears Lyrics: Hairband Edition

I Guess Every Rose Does Have its Thorn Oh yeah. Hairbands. A guilty pleasure. It’s like people with more than one cat. They rarely talk about it in public, but behind close doors….. proof that Heaven isn’t too far away…..And with that, I couldn’t understand the following: In the Still of the Night (not that 50′s lame song mommy loves) Whitesnake: In the still of the night, theres a warn shawl honey
sniffing around your drawers
In the still of the night
I feel a fart beating ready
Tellin me I gotta have smores. Really. I could find a better way to sell chocolate and graham crackers than having a girl dance provocatively between two sports cars. Wait…Mommy says I have the wrong video. I think that song was “Is bris blood”. Mommy says White Snake never wrote a song about little jewish boy castration. She also says the girl on the cars ruined Chuck Finley’s career. It’s personal. Girls, Girls, Girls…..Really? Motley Crüe: Squirrels, squirrels, squirrelsWrong eggs and burgundy shipsSquirrels, Squirrels, SquirrelsDancin brown on sunsets and chips Motley Crüe perplexes me. On one hand you have rocking anthems that conjure delusions of grandeur that you could date Heather Locklear. On the other hand, Motley Crue makes you enter therapy when you realize you are dating 50 year old Heather Locklear after Richie Sambora. Mommy did like auto correct that allowed you to use an umlaut for their name. Poison: Don’t need nut ringsBut a good rhymeHow can I existAint looking for nut ringsin a good rhymeAnd I don’t get butter from hips I don’t think butter and Bret Michaels belong in the same sentence. Poor guy is diabetic and has the same hairstyle some 30 years later. Its as though Christie Brinkley actually aged and went on the Apprentice. And I take issue with getting butter from hips. It’s really the other way around says mommy. Love, Wee P.S. Bret Michaels has his own line of pet clothes at Pet Smart. Look it up…you’ll feel like an ass... read more

News of the Wee: What are those Seeds Dude?

Another week has come and gone. March appears to be ending like a lamb after the verocity of this year’s winter ushering in a den of lions. I should’ve attacked that little ground beaver in Pennsyvlania when I had the chance in February. Let’s see what’s out there this week: Wee on Obama and Putin meeting to see if there’s a diplomatic solution to Urkaine: You’ve seen Charlie Brown right? Putin is the equivalent of Lucy setting up the football for Charlie Brown to kick only to pull it causing CB to fall flat on his ass. Charles Schulz lives! Wee on Obama meeting the Pope and giving him some strange seeds of unknown origin: The old childhood classic chant, “the pope smokes dope”, well maybe there is some truth to it. Or perhaps they are magical stalk beans to which the pope will unleash a giant on the Vatican eradicating any remaining pedophiles still hiding in the church. This Pope rocks. Wee on 5.1 earthquake in Los Angeles: Caused by Fred Phelps jumping up and down on a trampoline in hell. Punishing Hollywood for Jared Leto’s win for Dallas Buyers Club. Experts say this could be a precursor of the big one…Can’t wait to see what crazy ass Pat Robertson’s theory is going to be. His latest this week, “Jesus would not have baked wedding cakes for gays”. Umm, the last time I checked, he was the son of a carpenter. And I don’t mean Karen. She wouldn’t have baked a cake either. I don’t think baking came into play until much later. Unless you are referencing pot. In which case, if you follow the seeds, we’re back to the Pope. Do you feel Wee’s logic? Wee on Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling”: Seriously could Paltrow be any more pretentious? Wee just completed a conscious uncoupling of mommy’s guest bedroom drapes. I guess Gwynnie told Chris, “No Goop for You”. Wee on tonights Florida and Dayton Elite 8 matchup: I am leaving a shot of whiskey and a valium on mommy’s night stand. I don’t think she will be happy when she gets home. Once she’s passed out, I will take selfies next to her and tag her on Facebook. That was for the new change in litter brands. XOXOX – Happy Weekend, Love... read more

Wee doesn’t know College Basketball

Its March Madness according to mommy. I took it to mean that I could have free reign scratching the new ottoman up. She sat down with me for my word association game this week. The results would have won the billion dollars. I guarantee it. Either that or I would’ve eaten that damn gecko. Mommy: The Ohio StateWee: THEE Suckeyes Mommy: DukeWee: Of Earl Mommy: LouisvilleWee: Slugger Mommy: FloridaWee: Bat shit crazy Mommy: UVAWee: UVB Mommy: Stephen F. AustinWee: Six Million Dollar Man Mommy: George WashingtonWee: Wooden teeth Mommy: St. Joseph’sWee: Children’s aspirin Mommy: OklahomaWee: Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain.Mommy: You don’t know any of these, do you?Wee: UCLAMommy: what?Wee: U Crazy Lookin Ape Mommy: Your bracket is busted Wee.Wee: Like your weave mommy She basically threatened to leave me on South Dale Mabry during rush hour if I don’t root for Dayton on Thursday. Goooooooo Flyers. Wait, I got one right Mommy…………xoxoxo... read more

News of the Wee: More of the Same Nonsense

Is it me or has the news cycle been repeating itself over and over. Either that, or Wee is perpetually stuck in Groundhog Day. Each day I wake up and try to solve the mystery behind 370. I’ve been in more places than Carmen San Diego. Still no luck. The earth has a lot of floaters based upon the satellite images that keep coming out with possible “debris”. The last such mystery to have captivated everyone from cats to Courtney Love was the death of Kurt Cobain. Which while we are at it, had his own death re-opened for investigation this week. And with that, lets see what else is floating out there this week…… Wee on the death of Fred Phelps of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church: Outside the gates of hell, there are people picketing with signs that say, “The Devil Hates Fred”. They really just want you to find someplace else to reside. You’re not even good enough for the Red Man.May your legacy die with you. #Wee = Love. Wee on Russia’s sanctions against 9 US officials and lawmakers including John McCain, Harry Reid and John Boehner: Putin has once again outmaneuvered Obama. Genius really. If you want to get your point across, sanction Congress and the Senate. Wee on a 16 year old kid breaching and evading security at the new 1 World Trade Center building: If a kid from New Jersey can outsmart you dipshits, I imagine that every low IQ idiot jihadist is presently in their basement preparing bombs made out of Pepsi and Pop Rocks waiting for opening day. Not real comforting guys. Wee on the fake vote to annex Crimea: What did you expect? The Ukrainian people to win? For Putin to be de-masked like “Old Man Jenkins” from Scooby Doo? I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids? ….I could go on. The next question has to be; when are they annexing Poland? Wee on scientists that found evidence of a dinosaur dubbed, “chicken from hell”: Somewhere pre-historic Colonel Sanders is licking his fingers over this new Paleo diet item. The problem is the chicken from hell is thinking the same thing about you. Wee on first round upsets in the NCAA tournament: Great, now something else to distract mommy from paying her full and undivided attention to Wee. Warren Buffet is dancing around like the Geico Gecko as odds of a perfect bracket... read more

Wee Doesn’t Know Her Presidents

In my weekly word association game with mommy, she is attempting to broaden my knowledge by learning the names of US Presidents. Since I spend more time on TMZ than CNN, my knowledge is very limited in scope. Mommy: What is George Washington famous for?Wee: He’s Denzel’s father. Ok maybe grandfather. Mommy: What was Lincoln’s finest accomplishment?Wee: Logs Mommy: What President dropped the bombed on Hiroshima and Nagasaki?Wee: President Palmer. He was also the first black President.Mommy: Honey he was a tv President, not an actual President. Mommy: let’s try an easier game. I say the last name, you name the first thing that comes to mind that is associated with them.Wee: Got it. Mommy: MadisonWee: snack cakes Mommy: BushWee: Everything Zen..Mommy: I don’t think so. Mommy: ReaganWee: Pea Soup Vomit Mommy: JeffersonWee: George and Weezie Mommy: AdamsWee: Samuel Mommy: Quincy AdamsWee: Medical Examiner Mommy: JohnsonWee: DickMommy: Really wee? You’ve gotten none of them right. Mommy: KennedyWee: Shitty traffic Mommy: This is an exercise in futilityWee: The Obama AdministrationMommy: First one right Wee, well... read more

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